Here is the essay. I am a non-tradional student. Please feel free to butcher it.
Lack of focus was a reoccurring theme in high school. My family had given up on trying to figure out what was causing my uninterested state and casually blamed my aloof attitude on hereditary factors. High school was replete with lax behavior and procrastination and homework was easily put aside. My life was not a clear path paved with goals and motivation. In contrast, the path I saw ahead was foggy and unclear.
By a narrow margin, I was accepted to a state university and decided I would be more assertive in tackling my issues with focusing on academics. The realization that this was my second chance ignited a newfound motivation and hope was instilled. My grades, however, continued to wane and out of frustration I decided to see a psychiatrist. After numerous tests, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with Attention Deficit Disorder and began prescribing me with a stimulant, Adderall. Immediately I felt the effects and my grades drastically improved. School became easy for me not because it made me more intelligent, but because I had a voracious appetite for learning.
Common side-effects of Adderall are irritation, lack of sleep, a suppressed appetite, and significant weight-loss. What drug companies rarely publicize, however, is the reality that one pill can alter one's way of living a normal life. With Adderall one is essentially forced to focus on each and every task at hand. My daily routines became obsessive and unnecessary. Along with the tremendous amount of focus, I felt a synthetic form of euphoria that created an aura of motivation that I was not used to. While I could manage to live with little sleep and minor irritation, my reliance on Adderall that slowly progressed was not something I was willing to accept for the sake of better grades.
While watching television during one of many sleepless nights, an unexpected answer to my ongoing problem with focus came into light. An infomercial starring a wide-eyed, energetic, exercise guru emphasized a point that I had been missing. A combination of exercise and mental strength could improve my focus. Being on the verge of Hopelessness and seemingly out of any other options, I decided I would explore this method and directly confront my ongoing problem with Attention Deficit Disorder in a healthier manner.
Exercise became my life. I had a new desire to strengthen my will power and attempt to increase the time I could focus during lectures in college. The results were minimal and excruciatingly slow. Although I was on the brink of frustration and about to give up, I gathered enough will power to continue with my regimen. Finally, after four months of exercise and focusing programs I began to feel as if I had turned a new chapter in my life; one without the reliance on medication. My grades began to improve and the haze that once occupied the path of my life began to clear.
In a society obsessed with quick and easy solutions to everyday setbacks, I was once one of the many desperate people that searched for an effortless answer to all of my problems. Through overcoming this setback I've come to the conclusion that in most cases, ongoing problems require rehabilitation that is typically difficult and rigorous. Although the easier option is tempting, I have realized through this experience that most complex setbacks are to be dealt with intricate and long-term resolutions.
Your essay ROCKED. Really outstanding. You may want to add "profoundly" or "significantly" before the word "alter" to add dramatic effect. Other than that, this was one of the best college admissions essays I have read in a while. If you have the time, check out my essay
When you put 2 complete sentences together as a compound sentence, use a comma:
High school was replete with lax behavior and procrastination, and homework was easily put aside.
and began prescribing me with a stimulant, Adderall.
commas:
Immediately I felt the effects, and my grades drastically improved.
Nice job, this is a great, inspirational story. It's too bad stimulants have terrible side-effects; however, you seem to have handled this adversity very well!
