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'The Egyptian educational system' - MIT admission

AmrTawfik 1 / 1  
Dec 8, 2011   #1
Due to a system error i didn't receive MIT admission notifications so anyway i am now completing the application and the deadline is the last of this month, here is the 2 essays i wrote, please help me finding any Grammar or spelling errors or anyway i can make it better.

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words):

The Egyptian educational system always had many problems with the courses offered, bad management and the ancient school buildings! Most of the outdated curriculum depends on memorizing not on understanding!

That is why i was always interested in projects and courses outside my school. I was born in a middle income family so funding my courses wasn't always easy. That is why i had to work online sometimes. I think i am a good programmer and a web designer so i worked on some online projects and in 2009 i founded my own hosting company (AlphaHost), we had a good income for months and i was able to attend more than 15 professional IT courses all funded from my own income.

Later on, i applied for a national IT scholarships which gives applicants the opportunity to study some Cisco advanced courses. After like a week of applying, i received an email of acceptance and that could be counted as one of my happiest moments in my life.

I succeeded in all of the courses and i currently hold some professional IT certificates which i hope will boost my carrier to the better.

MIT seems like a flying dream, if i could catch it, it will change my life .. the better for sure.

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words):

Last year i participated in the international Oracle Think Quest competition as a team leader of my school team. We were making a good progress till the Egyptian 25th January revolution began. After 3 days of the revolution there were orders to cut down all the phone lines and internet connections across Egypt. As a team, we were not able to communicate or to reach each other while other teams across the world were working hard on their projects. Everyone in the team was thinking about just accepting the situation and quit from the competition but we didn't surrender!

We divided the work on all of the team members and concentrated on the work which won't require an internet connection. After about 2 weeks the internet was back and we worked hard to follow up.

Fortunately we were able to submit our project before the deadline and we achieved the first rank in Egypt and a good rank internationally so were given thanks letters from Oracle corporation.

harshshah 1 / 3  
Dec 8, 2011   #2

You structured them quite well.
but i dont think you should rely on criticism on something. (1st essay 1st line) it can put the readers off. in fact, try to make it sound like a positive.

anyways best of luck man, you will get in
OP AmrTawfik 1 / 1  
Dec 8, 2011   #3
Thanks man, i will try to change it for something better but do you have anything in mind right now? ALso i really appreciate your feedback
johnfwilliam 2 / 7  
Jan 4, 2012   #4
am applying to MIT too, from Egypt !!

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