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The eighth and ninth years of my life were plagued with walkers, canes, and hospital visits.


nhasan215 1 / -  
Jan 14, 2015   #1
Hey guys, I know I'm not the world's best writer, but this essay means everything to me. Please give me any pointers, tips, or suggestions! Thank you!

Prompt: Tell us why you would like to major in Pre-Occupational Therapy and what contributions you see yourself making to the profession.

The eighth and ninth years of my life were plagued with walkers, canes, and hospital visits. My father's car accident left him with a twisted knee that would forever haunt him. The crippling injury caused stress upon the entire family. Financial instability also decided to make an appearance during this time period. With my father taking a temporary leave from work, my family was falling apart.

But, we prevailed. I'm not sure my family would have made it through those two years without my father's occupational therapist. At a time when my father was sure his life was over, she showed him how to live. The physical therapist helped strengthen the muscles around the knee, but the occupational therapist taught my father how to care for my baby brother, how to go back to teaching, how to reach high places which meant stretching his leg. It was difficult, but my father managed.

Years later, I realize how my family was saved by a single woman. I want to be that woman for families. I want to be the woman who rebuilds a life, to show people how to find happiness with their disability. Personally, I would like to work with children who suffer from mental disorders such as Schizophrenia. Because I was a child when my father's accident occurred, I want to work directly with children in the future, because I know I can have a greater impact on their life. Society connotes mental disorders negatively, but t can be something that sets people apart as someone unique.

My experience in the medical field has come solely the Pre-Professional Health Honor Society. I am currently the president of this club. Three years ago, my club brought a group of Occupational Therapy students onto campus to deliver a speech to the members. This meeting was the highlight of my Freshman year in high school. I realized that I want to feel the passion and joy for education that the Occupational Therapy students felt. The PHHS club has opened my eyes to a plethora of careers within the medical field, but my heart always returns to Occupational Therapy.

I would like to major in Pre-Occupational Therapy, because it has been my passion for the past three years. When adults ask me why I want to major in Pre-Occupational Therapy I tell them that I know when I become an Occupational Therapist, I won't wake up when I'm 40 years old and despise my job. I am confident that Occupational Therapy is where I belong. It fulfills everything I'm looking for a career. It allows me to stay true to what I really want to do which is help people. At Dominican University of California I can turn my aspirations into a reality. With their incredible Pre-Occupational Therapy major I can study what I love and know that I will eventually reach my goal to become an Occupational Therapist and affect someone's life the way my father's occupational therapist affected my family's.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 15, 2015   #2
The story about how your father survived and your family was changed by the accident and the recovery of your father as aided by his occupational therapy is a very good hook to have started off this essay with. I feel though that you have spent too much time discussing that when you could have already moved on to discussing the other reasons that you have for wanting to enter the profession. I strongly suggest removing the parts of the essay that deal with your work experience in the field as it is a non-related essay topic. Is neither asked nor requested for so remove the reference to it. It is an unnecessary deviation from the essay prompt at this time. Your conclusion is specially strong and reiterates the reasons why you wish to pursue this profession. Once you delete the portion that I pointed out, the essay will be more than ready for you to use alongside your other documents for submission.


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