This is the common app essay that wants us to elaborate on an activity in 150 words.
RCNUWC is my school, just so u dotn get confused.
Red Cross Nordic UWC First Aid is a professional course in which thirty students learn and practice their first aid skills. Almost all sessions include a number of realistic scenarios in which students act as casualties and first aiders and help to prepare the setting and makeup. Our coaches finish the session with a debriefing. I have even had the experience of teaching first aid; every year we give training sessions to the Serbian National team and a local Norwegian team. I really enjoy this activity; I am responsible as a first aider on campus and have had many experiences helping people inside and outside campus, from simple cuts to panic attacks. I have been able to strengthen my leadership and collaboration skills, as well as my responsiveness and creative thinking. I know that I will feel even more proud when I receive my official Red Cross Certificate.
any comments?
thanks!
RCNUWC First Aid is a professional course in which thirty students learn and practice their first aiding skills. Almost all sessions include a number of realistic scenarios in which students act as casualties and first aiders.which there will be casualties and first aiders, played and directed by the students,and then our coaches finish the session with a debriefing. The Serbian National first aid team has been visiting us for training weeks for the past years, which has resulted in their championship in Europe. (This sentence seems random... why is the Serbian Nationa First Aid Team relevant to you?) I really enjoy this activity; I am responsible as a first aider on campus and have had many experiences helping people on campus, and even back home, from simple cuts to panic attacks. I have been able to strengthen my leadership and collaboration skills, as well as my agility and creativity in first aidas well as my responsiveness and responsibility in emergencies (or something to that ffect... saying creativity in first aid sounds like you try to do things in a new way that you weren't taught) . I know that I will feel even more proud when I receive my Red Cross Certificate.
- I feel like you should spell out the acronym for the first time.
Good luck!
Thank you Dawn,
the serbian national team has been the european champion since we started giving them one-week intense training programs, we are quite proud of that, but you made me realize that i should make it more subjective.
It sounds a lot better now, except I'm still a little unclear by what you mean by "makeup". Maybe... conclusion? Resolution? Solution? Haha. Something like that. Good job :]
Thanks! makeup, the stuff we use to fake injuries :P kind of similar to the make up women (and some men) use. blood and gelatin and stuff...should i make it more clear? i have like 3 words...
Excellent explanation. =) It shows a lot about you. It might be better to show rather than tell how the experience affected you, but there isn't much room for that in 150 words, is there? Also, I feel like you could vary your sentence structure a bit. Right now, it's a lot of independent clauses. This may or may not be particularly important, but it's something to think about, I guess.
And thanks so much for reviewing my essay. =) Best of luck to you!
