i ran out of room, but i was wondering if this is good the way it is or should i take out the beginning of how i got into it and instead, write about the activity more
Being from a conservative family that isn't much for sports, football was a completely new concept for me to grasp. After enrolling in an all boy's high school without a football program, football has become my sanctuary. Every morning on the school bus, all I heard about was the amazing plays that had occurred the day before. There was always a fight about which team was better and I thought to myself how funny it was that people pick a team that they had nothing to do with, and just get so offended if somebody says something negative about their team. Hearing all this consistently, I thought I would try it out. Eventually I became a huge football fanatic. I realized that football is a very eclectic sport that enables anyone to show what they can do, and so I play daily with my friends.
Well, "boy's" should by "boys", and I'm unsure of whether that should have a hyphen in between. I feel like the paragraph itself is somewhat boring. Try adding an experience you went through playing football. Like you said, it was a new concept for you, so maybe you could get into how your first practice was? Other than that, I thought it was okay-written, but some past-to-present transitional words don't sit well.
so what should i take out so that i can put in my experience cuz i have 150 words already and 150 is the max
Being from a conservative family that doesn't follow sports, football was a completely new concept for me to grasp. Football has become a type of sanctuary to me because every morning on the school bus, all I heard about were the amazing plays that occurred the day before. They always argued about whose team was better, and I thought it was funny that people could pick a team that they have nothing to do with, and defend that teams credibility with their lives. Hearing all of this enthusiasm consistently, I thought I would try it out. Eventually I became a huge football fanatic and I both play football and follow the Philadelphia Eagles. I realized that football is a very eclectic sport that enables anyone to show what they can do, for instance, since I don't have hulk-like strength, I use my speed to play wide receiver with my friends.
The second one is much better. I don't think that 'eclectic' is the right word, though. 'Accessible' might be better. It's also good that you've chosen to focus on one thing rather than several. It's much more fitting to the prompt and the given length.
okay im handing this in tonight so any other comments would be greatly appreciated.
