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Elaborate on one of your activities.(Yale essay)


sumit036 1 / 2  
Nov 3, 2009   #1
guyz.. I have prepared a rough draft for this essay..KIndly give ur reviews and frank critics bout this...Thanx a ton

Please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal or work experience)
According to Greek Philosopher Aristotle,"The quality of life is determined by its activities." I first saw this quote when it was written on my fifth-grade ...
theplaniverse 1 / 2  
Nov 3, 2009   #2
I'm just going to point out a few general grammar/word choice errors:

According to the Greek p hilosopher Aristotle,"The quality of life is determined by its activities." I first saw this quote when it was written on my fifth-grade textbook . Since my childhood, I have never missed an opportunity to get involved in any activity in which I find myself intellectually engaged. After completing my 10th class, I got an amazing opportunity to work on the NASA Space Settlement Program conducted by NASA Ames & National Space Society (NSS).Under our physics teacher,myself and two other students put our heart and soul in this project. The project required attention to very minute detail in the creation of an ideal city -- from a good atmosphere to a legislative system. We named our city ZION (Does it have to be in all caps?) . My plan was to reside over 1 lac (What does that mean?) people in that place. As given to me, I calculated the energy required to accomplish various tasks in the ZION, proposed steps and measures to reduce wasted energy, and also found the average surface area that was to be exposed to sun to generate requisite amount of energy (by solar processes). I also was given the job of finding alternate sources of resources and energy, which I completed successfully. I learned a lot from this project. Various untouched facts were discovered by me. Overall this project was the best project of my life till date. However, I was here to learn, and my positive outlook helped me get the most from this amazing learning experience.

Hope this helps :)
OP sumit036 1 / 2  
Nov 3, 2009   #3
thanx Caley...can anyone help wid the matter....
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Nov 4, 2009   #4
I learned a lot from this project.

^What did you learn? What you learnt should be something you address in detail.
jelly 5 / 11  
Nov 4, 2009   #5
I don't think begin with a famous sying is a good idea. You'd better leave more space to show yoursefl but not just quoting a saying.

Good luck YALE GUY~~
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 5, 2009   #6
Great job Caley!!

Sumit, wow, I got a great idea. I disagree with Aristotle and think the quality of life is determined by one's state of mind, regardless of activities... so that made me think that at the end you could write about how the excitement you felt about that project made you feel excited about everything else, too. So, you can finish by saying that you learned that your state of mind is actually just as important as your activities. Can you find some inspiration for that? It would give the essay a unique them, if you can rise to the occasion and write about that contrast.
OP sumit036 1 / 2  
Nov 8, 2009   #7
@ Faisal P..Liebe...THanx for ur valuable contribution ...:)

@ Kevin...mate ...thats really unique...thanx for the wonderful idea!!!!


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