Electrical circuit - My Columbia Engineering Essay

Hello guys. This is my engineering essay for Columbia university and I would like to know your thoughts about it. Thanks.

For applicants to The Fu Foundation School of Engineering and Applied Science, please tell us what from your current and past experiences (either academic or personal) attracts you specifically to the field or fields of study that you noted in the Member Questions section. (300 words or less)*

my passion for engineering

It all started with the building of a simple electrical circuit at age 7 after I'd been taught how to draw the diagram in school. After seeing my teacher draw the diagram on the board, I began to imagine how it'd look like in real life. (It was as if I had AutoCAD installed in my brain). So after school that day, I didn't stay behind to play soccer with my friends. I ran home and went to Uncle Ernest's electronic shop to see if I could get some batteries, wires and an LED. He provided me with all I needed. I rushed back home and realized my father had returned from work. So I told him of my idea and he decided to help me. I set all the stuff on the table in the middle of the living room and my dad sat on the couch. He sat there and gave me instructions as to what to connect first and how to connect it. By the time we were done, the LED light was shining brightly. I was amazed at this. I had built an electronic circuit from scratch with my very own hands at just age 7. My father sensed my amazement and told me that I could build anything I wanted to, if only I was determined enough. This encouragement lead me to even experiment with my newly built circuit. I even found out that pencil lead could be used as a switch.

This little thing that I was able to build propelled my interest into what I grew up to know as Engineering. As I began to research on it, I realized there were many fields involved but one field resonated with what I did when I was 7 and that was mechanical engineering.

Looks really good to me! With two independent clauses connected with 'and' I think there should be a comma before 'and'. Also, some sentences were a bit unsophisticated, for example- "I was amazed at this". Other than that, great story and connection to major!

@Grace123
Thanks for the tip.