Hi guys, I just finished my essay, don hav any1 to proofread, could any1 plz help??
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
I have chosen Electrical Engineering as my major driven by many amazements it has taken me into throughout my life. As a child I always wondered how things work and was always amazed to find answers. Later, my enthusiasm in computers and software engineering grew towards electronics as I learned more and more about the very core of the computer architecture. As an Electrical Engineering Undergraduate in Sri Lanka, the courses I took eventually assured me that my choice was indeed right. After coming to USA and encountering the immense possibilities of electronics combined with quantum physics has stricken me so hard that I cannot wander elsewhere. The knowledge that I have attained through experiments, self learning, field visits, and of course, formal education has lead me to believe not only that Electrical Engineering has everything that I love but also that I have something in return for the field.
My interest on electronics runs back to my early childhood. When I was at grade one or two my mother, answering a question I had, taught me about the structure of atoms. At the time when I was in the middle school, my friends would make small radios or running LED circuits found in little booklets and I would stare at those circuits for hours trying to understand how they worked, how transistors and ICs worked, rather than soldering some components to see LEDs flashing not knowing what is happening there. Later, playing computer games and getting bored with them, I started self studying how games are made and became quite familiar with Java, C++ and VB with Object Oriented Programming concepts. These early experience with computers and semiconductors inspired me and I was compelled to study hard to get in to a university for further education.
It was in my University in Sri Lanka where I obtained most of my experience and where I formally declared my major. For the first year project paralleling engineering course work, I chose to develop a 'Remote Controlled Continuous-Speed Fan Regulator', which, at that time, was not readily available in Sri Lanka. The project was successfully completed using two micro-controllers and their features like PWM and USART. In the second year I selected the subject 'Robot Design' in addition to the common Electronic/Electrical engineering subjects to further strengthen my knowledge on digital electronics. The design and development of the robot, which can find its path from the arrow marks through a maze of obstacles has given me a good experience in circuit design and analysis, using tools like OrCAD and assembly language programming. The two years I spent in the campus, as much as it has bound me to electronics, took me far ahead of my friends in college here in USA.
Recently I came across the theories of modern physics which have deepen my desire to study further. Specially, after learning about quantum mechanics and QED I have started studying the basics of quantum physics. Taking both Physics 101 and 102 in the same semester, I focus my leisure time on studying these with the books my professors recommended. Exploring the whole new world opened by these new theories and finding their uses as an Engineer has since become my ambition.
Therefore, my choice in electrical engineering is a result of gradual development of interest. Experience from early radio circuit design to late robot development together with the interest in computers have given me confidence on my future in the field. I have come through a long journey of excitement to this point where I just have to keep going straight; straight, towards the edge of invention and discovery in electronics.
You could do without your entire first paragraph.
as for your second paragraph, it seems like you're listing random experiences. You should stick to one particular involvement and for the following paragraphs, chime in on how that one particular experience shaped you as a person and the lessons you have gained from it.
i like to see you get more detailed on the LED circuiting with your middle school friends more and try to give a brief explanation on what an LED or java is so that the admissions office know where you are coming from.
good luck.
if you can, please help me on mine, too.
Hello! Thanks for the comment on my question!
Your essay is good and provides a lot of detailed information, I think one way to make a little more interesting would be to change your first sentence in the first paragraph to the last sentence of the first paragraph.
Keep the second sentence as the intro sentence, it makes it more interesting.There are a few parts where you do not have to be too detailed, like when you explain certain things about the course, just make it a little more brief.
And make sure you connect it to you and what you gained from your experiences.
Good Luck on your essay!
It was in my University in Sri Lanka that I obtained most of my experience and formally declared my major.
I agree with what jashley said about getting rid of the first sentence... because you tell the intended major at the end of that first paragraph. Anything that is redundant is unnecessary, and unnecessary things detract from the power of the essay.
Unnecessary details are distractions. However, your essay does not have excessive detail; I just mention it as something to keep in mind.
You write well, without errors!
