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"embarrassed that I can't speak good Chinese" - Stanford roommate essay

ricepicker 1 / 1  
Dec 29, 2010   #1
Hi guys, could you guys comment on my Stanford roommate essay? I feel like my current draft is way too limited in thought.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.


m51 cs106x/b?
650 324 8749 - C 650 853 1556 - A 650 326 6552 - P 650 326 4632 - D

Sorry about the random scribbling. I didn't have any new paper so I just grabbed the nearest one in sight. But yeah, those are some of the classes I can't wait to taste- math and computer science just make me want to take a byte out of them. I'm also considering Chinese language as a side dish as well. You see, my parents are from Taiwan and speak Mandarin around the house and I stopped Chinese school after 5th grade... I don't know why; I feel embarrassed that I can't speak good Chinese! Anyways, the other scribbles are far more appealing. I'm a big fan of food so I made sure to jot down the numbers to some nearby restaurants that serve my favorite types of food including Chinese, American, pizza, and dim sum. If you don't know what dim sum is, then... I'm going to have to bring you to one around here soon! And if you have a different preference when it comes to food, I'll be happy to try some of your suggestions. Oh, and another thing you should know: I'm not a big fan of alcohol, but that certainly won't stop me from having a good time. I hope you're hungry!
Jomaha23 7 / 29  
Dec 29, 2010   #2
Very original!

In this part:

"those other numbers are numbers of some of the restaurants around here. I'm a big fan of food so I made sure to jot down the numbers"

You repeat numbers three times in just one sentence, maybe try to reduce this sentence and avoid overusing the same words.

It was very original to use the scribbling at the beginning and the whole essay really tells a lot of things about you!

Check my MIT Department essay PLEASE :))!!
Thanks in Advance!
kalebruce 2 / 3  
Dec 29, 2010   #3
Definitely displays your sense of humor which is a good way to describe your personality. But maybe you joke around too much. Maybe you could cut down on the some of the areas about food, etc. to describe more about you :)

Otherwise it was a good read!
cindykins 3 / 4  
Dec 29, 2010   #4
I personally loved this note. I think it was straight to the point and not extremely long and run on. You definitely displayed who you are and I think if your roommate were to read this she would get a really good sense of who you are.

Great Job!
mariatateno 6 / 35  
Dec 30, 2010   #5
"take a byte out of them" hahaha

i love your food innuendos. very original and interesting!

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