Hi everyone,
I'm from France and I'm applying to Yale, Dartmouth, Upenn and Cornell for undergraduate studies.
Here's my personal statement. I'd appreciate it if you could correct my grammatical mistakes and give me some feedback! Thank you!
Passport? Check. Plane ticket? Check. Camera? Check. Ready to leave? No. As I'm going through the items in my suitcase on the eve of my departure, all I keep thinking is "This is it". After weeks of tumultuous debates with my parents trying to convince them this is what I desire most to do, this is it. After a year of bureaucratic preparation and orientation weekends spent learning about ways of adaptation, this is it. After long and tearful goodbyes to my family and friends, this is it.
I reluctantly tuck myself under my covers as I contemplate the suitcase on the floor. It's almost midnight when I turn off the light to let the darkness fill my lonely room. The ticking of my clock is growing heavier, turning each second into a deafening cadence. Closing my eyes will inevitably engender a hastier emergence of the morning light. So, I stay awake. In a couple of hours, the thundering resonance of my alarm will not only mark the beginning of a new day, but one of a new life. A life I have imagined and dreamed about for years but I realize now, I know nothing about.
Suddenly, I'm scared. Suddenly, my determination, excitement, optimism and confidence have been replaced with uncertainty, skepticism, anxiety and fear. Suddenly, the idea of leaving becomes terrifying. Yet, I've been awaiting such an adventure for as long as I can remember.
Since middle school, I have developed an unconditional love for the English language and the United States. My parents quickly understood this wasn't just a temporary obsession based on the hope that one day I will understand the lyrics to the Justin Bieber song. At the beginning of freshman year, I was already elevated by the idea of going to the US as an exchange student but my parents thought I was too young for such an experience. Somehow, I was convinced I needed to do it. I was driven by a desire to quench my curiosity and thirst for knowledge. All the things I hadn't tried, the faces I hadn't seen, the food I hadn't tasted awaited me on the other side of the ocean. I yearned to meet people from different horizons, enlightened by different beliefs and driven by different goals in order to listen to them, understand them and learn from them. I was also hoping to embark on a self defining adventure which would allow me to find my path as well as my voice.
As I recall the roots of my dream, my initial concern seems to turn around its axis. A life I know nothing about is a life I have yet to learn everything about. Fearing the unknown is fearing life because what tomorrow brings is an undying mystery. I almost dismissed my dream when I let anxiety grow bigger than my determination. In the end, fear is just noise. A cacophony that jeopardizes my ability to hear myself.
At last, I find the quiet inside my mind. My eyes close and the journey begins. This year abroad goes by as fast and unpredictably as a dream. Every second seems infinitely real and memorable though instantly becomes estranged and blurry at my return. When I awake after those 12 months, my life appears placidly "back to normal" but a change occurred within my unconscious. The suitcase I am now carrying is much heavier. I eagerly open it to check its content: Passport? Check. Lots of pictures? Check. Friends for life? Check. An addiction to Macaroni and Cheese? Check. A new place to call home? Check. A wider open-mindedness? Check. A perpetually growing passion for languages? Check. Determination to make a global impact? Check. Ready to live? Yes.
Wow, I really like it. I like how it flows and how the intro connects to the conclusion. But I think that you should use past tense for the earlier part of your essay since it already happened. What's the prompt for this essay?
Thank you!
Well, I actually don't really know whether to put it in "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you." or topic of your choice.
I think if you want to put it under "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you." you would have to make it more specific, maybe elaborate more on how you widen your open-mindedness and stuff like that in the US, instead of focusing on how you felt about going there in the first place. if you want to keep the essay as it is (which in my opinion, is already great), then you can put it in the topic of your choice since it's more general.
