Please give me some feedback. Thank you! : )
At the age of three, I always sat on my grandma's knee, watching her embroiding on a fabric. At that time, I thought my grandma's hands had magic because after a couple of days, the fabric turned out to be my new year's gift - a new stuffed pillow with sophiscated decoration, sometimes a red peony, sometimes a white camellia. .
When I was six, I started my first needlework. I asked my mom to teach me knit. It wasn't easy for me at first. The wool always entangled and it confused me a lot. I knit all day, effortlessly trying to conquer the two scaffling darning needles. After a couple of months, I finished my first masterpiece: a striped scarf which can hardly tied around my neck.
The year I turned nine, I decided to stitch a trinket of a key chain for my mom's birthday. Every evening when the whole family sat around the table, watching the latest television series, I would sit on a corner of the sofa, embroidering the design on the java canvas. Once I proceeded a stitch wrong and it took me more than two hours to do over the stitching. Finally I successfully completed the pendent with a bee patern on it before my mom's birthday. Mom still dangles all her keys on it today.
When I was thirteen, my elder brother had a crash on a beautiful girl. He took physical training, learned to write love letter and went on a date every day regardless that it was a time when China was in threat of an epidemic(Crazy, huh? Guess what? I would have done the same thing if I had been him.) Finally, as a generous younger sister, I spent a week and a half embroidering a scarve with a image of love story. He sent it to her that winter and that girl is now my sister-in-law.
Last summer, as a volunteer of the Chinese Cultural Experence Camp, I spent eleven days with my buddy - a ethnically Chinese girl from Singapore. I intended to bestow her a embroidered purse as a surprise. During the daytime, I took her to travel around Chinese ancient palaces and try Beijing snacks; at night, I locked myself in the bedroom, kniting one, purling one. It was in a evening of homestay that my mission was unfortunately exposed. She was amazed when she saw the half-finished purse with the Chinese traditional blue-flowered ceramic pattern and asked me to teach her to embroider. We joined efforts to finish the purse in the rest days of the camp and she took the purse with her back to Singapore after the camp ended. At that weekend, I was surprised to receive an email from her stating that she had also fallen in love with the art of embroidering.
I finally find the meaning of embroidery. It is not a requirement to label myself as an elegant woman. It is not a dazzling skill to impress others. It is not even a media to express myself. For me, it is something to share. Embroidery came alive because I shared it with people around me - not only share the Chinese traditional technique which has been forgotten by most modern people, but also share my emotions of love and the tranquility of the soul in this much more impaintient world. When I was doing a stitch of work - it felt right.
Hi.
I have to say that your essay is surprisingly pleasant to read. The structure, although simple, is clear and easy to understand. The entire essay creates a good atmosphere for the reader to peek into your memories from your perspective.
However, I feel that there's something missing between your conclusion and the body of the essay.
I finally find the meaning of embroidery
This is a little bit subtle. How did you find it? May be you want to describe the process of you finding the meaning of embroidery, instead of sharing with us the result of your finding right away.
emotions of love and tranquility of the soul
You may want to reword this cuz I can't understand what this mean... Like I have said, the people who come from the background that you did may be able to relate to your feelings, while others may not.
Overall, I like the choice of your essay a lot. I think this essay can be more awesome if you show us more about yourself, as in, your thoughts. Hope to hear more from you!
G L~
Hi,
This is really original and interesting. It's got those 'awww' moments (girl is now my sister-in-law.) and is a really nice story, and would actually work even as an autobiography or something. However, the story isn't enough. I think you need to show an emotional or personality growth somewhere in it, and that isn't coming through at all except for the end, where it seems fake and put in just because that's what people want to hear. You need to integrate your growth/better understanding of the culture/emotional connection with your family/ANYTHING along the same lines THROUGHOUT the essay cause that's the entire point of the essay; to talk about yourself, as opposed to just another thing you do.
Good luck!
Thank you two, Rey and Nisha. I'm really glad to hear your suggestions. Well, I think I have some clearer clues now, and that are all inspired by you. I'm really appreciated and I will work harder to go over this essay to make it perfect~ :)
Actually, I have another version of main essay whose topic is piano. I don't like that one so much because I think it is not that interesting - and that's why I wrote this new one. However, I still hope you can look at it and give me some advice on which essay I should choose.
Thx!
With love.
Embroidery. Definitely embroidery. Pianos are overdone, plus this seems to be as strong an influece while being more distinctive. I liked ths better, just bring some of th epassion you put in that into this:)
You have a good style of writing. But you could have written better.
Personally, I think you should go more in depth. You could have been more expressive about your feelings, emotions and how this event/act affected your life rather than focusing on the details of the story.
If I were you, I would merge the first four paragraphs into just two(perhaps) and then add a new paragraph focusing on your feelings, quite similar to the last paragraph.
The grammar's fine as far as I am concerned. But I found some errors.
...a striped scarf which can hardly be tied around my neck.
I felt quite awkward reading this : He sent it to her that winter and that girlshe is now my sister-in-law.
....that she had also fallen in love with the art of embroidering.embroidery
...I spent a week and a half embroidering a scarve with an image of love story.
...Mom still dangles all her keys on it today .
Good luck with your writing.
