Please help revise this essay.. thank you.
Prompt : Why do you want to attend Pratt and what do you hope to accomplish from your education?
MY ESSAY :
Design has not been thoroughly institutionalized. Design may be claimed as art, or, as Ettore Sottsass (Italy, b. 1917), a designer of great influence, has said: 'To me design...is a way of discussing life. It is a way of discussing society, politics, eroticism, food and even design. At the end, it is a way of building up a possible figurative utopia or metaphor about life.' I have always had a penchant for art and certainly want to work conscientiously to further develop my skills in the subject. I want to pursue undergraduate study in visual arts, majoring in the Graphic Design course, particularly in the Pratt Institute, School of Design, in New York City.
It is true that the roots of contemporary graphic design are centuries old, taking us far back to the royal regalia, national flags, heraldry, tapestries and stained-glass windows of the Church, using symbols that uphold beliefs and stress authority. However, since the 1940's, graphic design has expanded. Its products have transformed drastically the psychological and creative life of people. The superiority and rise of technique in media has made graphic design a prevailing sway. I would like to contribute to society by communicating ideologies through my visualizations. Even a person in the street has become an expert at handling visual metaphors and graphic puns through the media of communications, newsprint, magazines and advertising.
What appeals to me about the Graphic Design course offered at Pratt, is the huge range of flexibility to suit my interests. It would help me to pursue my career aspirations in this field, and emerge as an artist, and perhaps follow the lead given by great creative masters, allowing me the freedom to choose my courses in such a way that they are largely useful to my achievement in my selected field of graphic design.
As in E. M. Forster's 'Howards End', I too agree with Margaret's reason for building the "Rainbow Bridge", as she tried to connect the two worlds- the inner world of sensation and emotion, with the outer world of material conditions and pragmatic values. As the youth of the modern day are aware of the giant effects of industrialisation and know exactly how much influence the media can create, it is not possible to forgo the advancements and new range of ideas which are brought with it. Other than the commercial value which definitely seeps into the various vehicles of media and communications, whether it is a logo, an ad-film or a book report, ideologies are upheld and beliefs brought out, giving each individual a chance to identify him or her self with something that he or she believes in.
Greetings!
You have a good start on an interesting essay here! One thing I notice is that it feels more like an essay on design than an admission essay. Rather than starting off with "Design has not been thoroughly institutionalized" what about using the quote 'To me design...is a way of discussing life,' attributing it to its author, and then equating that sentiment with your own feelings? For example, "I agree with Ettore Sottsass' view on design and its metaphorical depiction of life. This is why I want to pursue undergraduate study in visual arts, majoring in the Graphic Design course, particularly in the Pratt Institute, School of Design, in New York City." Or words to that effect.
Again, in your second paragraph, you could start off talking about yourself (the main focus of your essay): "I would like to contribute to society by communicating ideologies through my visualizations, as artists have done for millenia. The roots of contemporary graphic design are centuries old, yet have expanded over time to transform the psychological and creative lives of people," etc. You have some excellent sentences here, but I think with a little rearranging and linking, they could more smoothly address the question of why you want to attend Pratt and what you hope to accomplish from your education.
Your third paragraph has a comma you don't need in the first sentence and the second sentence is a bit too long. You might consider putting a period after "masters" and then starting the next sentence with "This would allow me the freedom to ..."
You have some intriguing thoughts here and I enjoyed reading it. Good luck!
Sarah, EssayForum.com
