I think the formality of the essay is neither here nor there since the prompt said stop worrying and have fun! Plus I actually think your essay is a nice blend of humour, candidness and personality and I quite rather like it.
And other successful interactions with human beings > was that a joke, I don't know if I'm over-interpreting this line or what, but if it was indeed supposed to be a humourous element, I believe it was a masterful attention grabber.
but when I'm one on one with someone I'm not familiar with, my mouth shuts up like Fort Knox.Suggestion: but in one on one situations with someone unfamiliar: my mouth shuts up like Fort Knox.
Shuts up still sounds a tad bit off, so maybe if you can find another phrase to replace it with.
The thought of calling a customer service representative or enduring a job interview is nightmarish for me.
Although your being brutally honest here, this might not be too appropriate to say considering colleges are looking for strong and independent leaders. So maybe tone it down or add that although it was a nerve-wracking experience, you rose to the challenge whenever you had to...or something to that extent.
and that's okay with meSuggestion: and I would not have it any other way.
Okay's a bit flat.
Hope this helps & I would love it if you took a look at any of my essays. I really liked yours & Thanks!