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Emory Essay Supplement: Unique & Ride

Chopeful 3 / 6  
Dec 29, 2011   #1
May I please have some help on my essay or some advise. Thank you very much!
Both are suppose to be 250 words max.

Prompt 1: What are the unique qualities of Emory University, and the specific school(s) which you are applying( Emory College of Arts and Sciences, Oxford College, or both), that make you want to become part of Emory University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Dear Emory,

As I study every angle of your character, the more abnormal yet similar to me you become. It surprises me that an intellectual such as yourself still maintains a sense of comedy. You maintain your tremendous knowledge of spirogyra, while still preserving your hilarious hijinks with your buddy Dooley. The unconventional mixture, stirred in tranquility, perplexes me.

Aside from being unique, you also maintain an open mind. This feature is apparent, since you do not incarcerate yourself with similar friends as you consult with those who discuss politics to those who preach literature. Furthermore, you do not bind yourself to a single culture as you speak from Spanish to Chinese. A receptive individual with distinctive qualities, why are we not friends already?

Hopefully, this year I will be part of your intellectual entourage and participate in your blissful discussions. Moreover, I will stay a faithful acolyte, so that one-day my whispers may transfigure into roars of brilliance. In addition, having Cas enlighten me with his knowledge of the arts and sciences would be a fortunate perk. I would listen to ever bit of detail on the science of life, never wasting a minute of his lecture.

Now stationed as a member, I would arm myself with my Zebra M-301 loaded with .5 lead, heading to the fortress of the elders, ready to be tested on my worthiness! My first assignment, given by elder Corces, titled Chromatin: A Simple Material or Your Worst Nightmare! Immediately, I would go to your uncle Woodruff's library, and begin my journey. I know I am getting ahead of myself, but be allowed to be around your clique would mean a lot to me.

A future friend

It is not suppose to be in a letter format, but I thought it was a pretty cool idea. Or is it dumb? Also do I answer the prompt well?

Dooley: Unofficial mascot of the university. Cas=C.A.S. College of Arts and Sciences I don't know if they will get that.
Uncle Woodruff = Robert W. Woodruff Main Library
Corces= Victor G. Corces, a professor at the university.

Prompt 2: What is your favorite ride at the amusement park? How does this reflect your approach to life?
The vehicle slowly clunked as it climbed to the top. I clutched the metallic bar and dug deep into the black tar seat, trying to reinforce my safety any way I could.

The car paused two hundred and fifty five feet above the ground. I looked over the edge and quickly thought to myself," Why did I pick this ride? Why do I enjoy challenges?" Suddenly, the cart plunged into darkness. Immediately, I was struck by G-forces, which burrowed me even deeper into my seat. At first I had no sense of what was going on, but I forced myself up and acknowledged my location. As the cart flew through its tracks I opened my eyes and gazed in amazement. At that instance, all the fear subsided and I was overcome by bliss that comes with defeating every challenge. Then the ride proceeded to heighten with acceleration until it halted to a complete stop. It was over.

At the end, I was glad that I had gone on the "most intense" ride first, since after riding Goliath, everything else seemed easier. Furthermore, had I gone on less strenuous rides, I would have probably never gone on Goliath fearing it to be too frightening. Ultimately, there was benefit in approaching the most difficult tasks first, since all other tasks pale in comparison.

Again thank you very much for your help.
karissa_a16 4 / 94  
Dec 29, 2011   #2
I think the letter idea is good, but what teenagers consider funny and what AO's consider funny are two different things. I would suggest showing it to people over 30 and seeing what they think. The roller coast one is kind of cliche (but with a prompt like that, it's kind of hard not to be! D:) Please read my NYU one. Thanks! :D
JackSparrow 2 / 8  
Dec 29, 2011   #3
Both essays were well written; i like you personified the school. Just have the first essay looked over by someone else. Nothing is wrong with the second one.

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