Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I originally wrote this for another school, and have turned it in to that school (University of Michigan). I'm hoping that this essay will apply to the above common app prompt. Please tell me what I can do to improve it in any way, especially if it's off topic! Thanks in advance!
Also, some people who I had read it said that it was "too controversial", while others liked it. I would like to hear any thoughts about that.
Soft
Emotions are useless. They leave people susceptible to arguments that prey on man's irrationality. I had always felt that detaching oneself from a situation and looking at it from an objective point of view was the superior way to go. Anyone who relied on their feelings over objective data I regarded as a useless "softie". The data would always lead to the correct answer.
But this faith was called into question the day I accidentally wandered onto a white supremacist forum while surfing the internet. The hate these people harbored for all people of color was unbelievable. There was a section on the forum open to "opposing views" where people who disagreed with the site's outlook could argue the on the side of conventional wisdom that all humans are equal. I entered that section and soon found myself in a battleground of statistics, mostly relating to the disparity of IQ scores between the races.
I knew better than to accept the fact the African-Americans were less intelligent than Caucasians based on IQ scores, but to remain impartial, I had to consider the fact that the tests were accurate and that my dad, sister, uncles, aunts, cousins and others were inherently less intelligent than the rest of the population. I found it hard to believe, but forced myself to look at what the numbers said. What could explain this gap? Society? Differing cultures? Other dissidents of the website's view had argued these points, and each time these arguments were discredited with another argument. I knew it couldn't be true; that the life, the intelligence of anyone is based on the individual, and not the negligible differences in DNA that make up 'race'. But I refused to believe what I knew was true, simply because I lacked evidence. So I searched for some. I hunted the internet and scoured my psychology books for an irrefutable argument that would conclusively show me what to believe. But I could not find anything that I could not discredit. Both theories canceled each other out. Which made me wonder that since there are pros and cons to every side of a debate, how does one come to a confident conclusion? All I had was a gut feeling- the worst of all arguments- that white supremacy was incorrect. But it was the only thing that swayed me in any direction, and even if I tried to remain neutral on the issue for lack of evidence, I would always have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that there is no superior race. So I swallowed my pride, and went with it.
In using my gut instinct to come to this conclusion, I learned that it's fine to not be a perfectly detached android all of the time; that emotions exist for a reason. I realize now that it's OK to speak from my heart and argue what I feel is right, regardless of what the data might point toward. I'm a born-again softie, and proud of it.
I think it's great, you seem right on topic, and controversy generates more interest! I could find nothing to change.
Neva
Maybe you should start your essay using the pronoun I.
For example:
1. I have strong significant feeling about certain emotions.
2. The Topic should go something like this:
* The topic sentence should included one of the words below and the pronoun I.
For Example
1. I had a significant achievement...
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I suggest you use a dictionary
* Note that significant is an adjective which does describe a noun, such as, person, place, or thing
You essay is off topic, please describe a risk you have taken alone that had an impact on you.
For example:
1. When I was twelve, I risked my life by climbing a tree.
Another suggestion, please try using
a cause and effect situation
For example:
1. One thing happened did cause another, for example: I was abused so it was effecting my emotions.
I knew better than to accept the idea that African-Americans are less intelligent than Caucasians based on IQ scores, but to remain impartial, I had to consider the fact that the tests were somewhat accurate and that my dad, sister, uncles, aunts, cousins and others were inherently less intelligent than the rest of the population.
Start a new paragraph with:
So, I searched for some.
This certainly is about a dilemma that you faced, and I think you can relate it well to the prompt by adding one good sentence to the beginning. "I faced an emotional dilemma when..."
Good luck!!
Thank you all so much!
