Hi,
please help me with my essay, I also want to shorten it below < 100 words,
thank you very much
"until now I still remember a friend of my family and neighbour, which was a computer science teacher that inspired me to have a passion to pursue a career in computer science. he was able to make the subject material fun and exciting, and had a way of explaining complex subjects matter in a way easy to understand. He told me about what computer science is and how it blends mathematics and science and apply them to real world problems. For example the mathematical algorithms used in web search engines, OR computer modelling /simulation in weather forecasting .He always encouraged me to be a computer scientist because he could see my passion for computer science."
Sincerely
Hi, here is some suggestions.
Line one: "...which was a computer science teacher..." :change "which" by "who"
Line two" he was able to...": Start sentence with a capital letter. It would be helpful to support your idea, how the teacher could make the subject fun?Furthermore, in order to make you essay shorter, you can use a sentence like this: His ability for expressing intricate subjects and the usage of new technology and software made the class more fun and useful.
Line two: "He told me.." : it would be better to use "tech" instead "told"
The last line: "He always encouraged.. : "he could see" and "scientist" are not rational. The word of "passion" has been used for the second time, it would be better to use a wide range of vocabulary : He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer science because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline.
Hi ah_zafari, thank you very much,
I modified my essay a little bit, however it's still > 100 words,
about this computer science teacher, he just was our neighbour and talked about computer science when he visited us at home
"Until now I still remember a friend of my family and neighbour, who was a computer science teacher that inspired me to have a passion to pursue a career in computer science. His ability for expressing intricate subjects made the conversation more fun and exciting . He taught me about what computer science is and how it blends mathematics and science and apply them to real world problems. For example the mathematical algorithms used in web search engines, OR computer modelling /simulation in weather forecasting .He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer scientist because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline"
Sincerely
Slam! here is some ideas.
U can take start like this...'My neighbor who was my family friend, was a computer science teacher and had the ability to teach a complicated subject in a simple & excitable way. He inspired me to make a career in computer science & he also clear me the actual concept of computer science that...
At last u can say...I never forget him".
Hope these minor changes will help u!
Hi, thank you very much Jiya,
here is another version of my essay, please give me ur thoughts ,
"My neighbor who was my family friend, was a computer science teacher, he inspired me to have a passion to pursue a career in computer science . His ability for expressing intricate subjects made the conversation more fun and exciting. He cleared me what computer science is and how it blends mathematics and science and apply them to real world problems. For example the mathematical algorithms used in web search engines, OR computer modelling /simulation in weather forecasting .He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer scientist because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline. I never forget him. "
Sincerely
In order to decrease the number of words of your essay you should delete some sentences that are not essential. For example: "He cleared me what computer science is" : In my opinion, this sentence is not necessary. You can say briefly: My interest in the subject even increased when I realized the role of computer in the modern world through these conversations. (in this way you can decrease the words by 3).
You can change this sentence "the mathematical algorithms used in web search engines" : The mathematical algorithm that web designer use. (1 word reduction by this one)
It is not necessary to use "modeling and simulation" together: use just one. (1 word decreases)
I hope that what was stated above be helpful.
Regards
Hi ah_zafari,
thank you very much for your help, I've tried to rephrase it, it's 100 words now
please tell me what you think, I appretiate your help
"My neighbor who was my family friend, was a computer science teacher, he inspired me to have a passion to pursue a career in computer science . His ability for expressing computer science concepts made the conversation more fun and exciting, and my interest in the field even increased when I realized the role of computer science in the real world. For example the algorithms used in web search engines and computer simulation in weather forecasting. He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer scientist because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline. I never forget him"
Sincerely
You donnot need to make so many points. One points and a strong and relatively detailed example( in light of the limited length of your essy) can serve you better on this topic.
Hi, thank you very much,
Please give me some hints , my essay title is : " Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence."
Sincerely
You can write like such. The person influencing me most is my neighbour , a computer science teacher ( thus you have succeed in indicating the person having strong influence on you), who arose my strong interst in computer science( it is about what the impact he has maken on you) by his His his ability to make the conversation about computer science concepts more fun and intersting( it is about how he influence you.)
Then just use one short sentence to illustrate how he make the conversation interesting. Try to shorten this part, it is not important, compared to the part talking about how you have been influenced.
Finally, tou should use a relatively large part to introduce how you have been influenced. Judinf from your essay title, I think this is the most important part.
Hi, thank you again,
please have a look at this one :
" The person influencing me most was my neighbour , a computer science teacher, who arose my strong interst in computer science by his ability to make the conversation about computer science concepts more fun and exciting , he made me realize the role of computer science in the real world, for example the algorithms used in web search engines and computer simulation in weather forecasting. He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer scientist because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline. I never forget him."
Sincerely
You can eliminate the claim that 'He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer scientist because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline. I never forget him."
and then add some details about how he makes the conversation intersting .For example, perhaps he has connected some concepts with your favorite sports, thus greatly impressing you.
In the part talking about how you have been influnced, you can write' because of him, i became so intersted in computer science that '. The part after that is a relatively specific example about how you enjoy computer.
Personally, i presume that it's better to explain one feature clearly than to state two points vaguely.
Thank you very much hales and kimuratakya,
that was very helpful,
Sincerely
Hello everybody, please take a look at my essay entitled "change in life: two different opinion s". Thanks in advance- A. Zafari
Hello everybody, please take a look at my essay entitled "A discussion about two views toward talent". Thanks in advance- A. Zafari
here are some suggestions:
I still remember my inspiration to pursue a career in computer science; a computer science teacher who was one of my family and neighbors. He was great at simplifying the subject's materials, making them more fun and exciting. He informed me about the subject and how it blends mathematics and science with their application on real world problems. For example, the mathematical algorithms used in web search engines, OR computer modelling /simulation in weather forecasting. He used to encourage me to be a computer scientist after he saw my passion for it.
number of words: 93 including dots and commas:)
hope it helps:)
