'Encouraging and supporting parents' - Princeton Supplement

Hello, How are you guys? I am working on my princeton Supplement and i need some advice on getting my essay to flow correctly. I am not finished yet so the one I am posting is just my rough draft. The Topic is Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way. 500 words

My father is my inspiration and he has influenced me in many ways. Such as in our family we are all four girls and many people in my family back home believe females cannot achieve the same as males. However my parents have always stated they are blessed to have girls, but I feel depressed when I hear negativity from a person because of my gender .My father works all day to provide for my mother, my sisters, and myself. Due to his hard work, my sisters and I have had more educational and career opportunities than my mother or him. My father's confidence in me has always led me to gain strength and encouragement. These respectable qualities of my parents have inspired me to fulfill their dreams.

My father's encouragement has pushed me to find success and prove my critics wrong. I still remember the day when my own grandmother had said to my father "your girls won't be able to achieve anything" . This statement shattered me I wasn't aware at that time that my grandmother would think of me and my sisters like that. However my dad said to his mother "My girls will be able to achieve something and become something in life". When I heard the statement I had tears in my eyes because it showed how much my dad loved me and his praise meant so much to me . I was hurt at that time because not just my grandmother but my relatives had diminished my hopes. But due to my father I have come this far and will keep on going because I need to prove to some people I will accomplish something in my life.

My parent have always supported me and encouraged me ; I would not be the person I am today without them, and I want to do all I can to return their loving support.

I dont like how the essay starts , it just doesnt catch attention. If someone gave me honest advice it would so much to me because i really want my essay to be great. Thank You

Don't use 'father' and 'dad' , use either one.

And review mine for early action to Yale please?