What matters to you, and why?
My greatest fear is looking back on my life and seeing a never ending line of risks I refused to take. A never ending line of regrets. Risks I did not take because I was afraid of getting hurt or even failing. I feel like there are too many people like this. Too many people are content to sit back in their comfortable, unassuming lives, not willing to risk a little to gain the world. They fail to realize that when you take a risk, you only gain, even if it is just knowledge. But then, knowledge is more valuable than anything else I could ever have. I used to be one of those people. But then I was thrust into a situation where I had to make a choice. I had the option of risking embarrassment or playing it safe. Playing it safe would have meant being mediocre, something that would have been so simple and so easy. I could have let myself focus on graduation, ignoring the chances that being at a new school presented. But as Greg Anderson once said, "Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." What would I gain if I spent my senior year as another face in the crowd? The only things I would learn would be what my teachers taught me. So I started to focus on the journey, taking the scenic route to graduation instead of the highway. I joined as many extracurricular activities as I had time for, and then some. And I have learned from each and every one. From choir, I learned how good it feels to play piano again. From Latin, I learned how good it feels to be looked up to. From mock trial, I learned how natural it feels to be in a court room. From my new school, I learned how hard but rewarding it is to put yourself out there despite the risk. Most importantly, I learned that I am strong enough to not need a security blanket to do what I love to do. This and all knowledge is what matters to me the most. And that knowledge is all I need to turn my dreams into my future.
***Please be critical. I appreciate your reading my essay, but it will not help if you just tell me how great it is to spare my feelings by not pointing out rejection-worthy flaws. Thank you!
This and all knowledge is what matters to me the most. And that knowledge is all I need to turn my dreams into my future
hey
this line is a bit weird.
you should think about rewording/revising/deleting?/changing it.
if not, everything looks great to me.
your essay shows who you are, and i like that!
good luck :)
IF you have time, please read my stanford essay?
It answered the prompt nicely, but anyone could have written this. What I mean by that is most people use the clubs they were a part of to stand out, which then makes everyone part of a club no different. In the beginning i felt you used the word "risk" too much, maybe find another way to say it?
Good essay, maybe include a risk that you wish you could have taken?
It's a solid essay but could use some improvements. I believe that syntax isn't varied enough, so it starts getting wearisome midway through because you constantly use short sentences. Try combining a few sentences to make it flow better. I think the use of short sentences is apt for the intro and conclusion but not for the body, it did have a good initial effect for sure. Also, most of the activities you described aren't generally considered risks persay...try adding something kinda crazy like at the level of scaling a cliff or something. Just put something interesting to pique some attention.
Stanford - What matters to you - Water - Will return favor if reviewed
What matters to you, and why?
It is common knowledge that water is essential to life. Without that wonderful compound, the world as we know it would cease to exist. Every sensation from the kiss of the sun on my face to the simple satisfaction of a full stomach to the exquisite pain of a sore muscle is possible because of water. Water, in addition to sustaining life, is also inherently beautiful. I could stare forever at the way a ray of sunlight dances through a single water droplet. But more beautiful than even that is its ability to flow. When faced with an obstruction, water does not try to push it aside but rather flows around and over it, encompassing the obstruction in its journey. When faced with an obstruction, I strive to be like water and adopt it into my journey, as when my mom left the family.
She decided to leave at a time of great change, splitting the family up when we needed each other the most. At first, I tried fighting her decision, this most painful of obstructions, but no matter what I did or said, she was as resolute and unyielding as a rock in the water. So I took a cue from water and sought to accept the change instead. I flowed around and past the obstruction, picking up the responsibilities of my new life without a mom. Conscious of my two younger sisters who needed a mother more that I, I stepped in best I could. As rivers merge, I merged the life of a high school senior, filled with school, extra curricular activities, and social outings, with the life of a mom filled with laundry, encouraging words, and nights of homework help. With the fluidity of water, I accepted the obstruction and flowed past it, learning more about myself and my ability to adapt in the process. Water is the reason why my blood can course through my veins and the inspiration for the fluid adaptability with which I now live my life. For these reasons above all others, water is what matters to me.
I am not sure:
Either it is mediocre or borderline genius:
Until I got to the last sentence I thought that the essay has not much to do about the things Stanford wants to hear: like values, ideas or people
However the last sentence is in its simplicity so great, really great. It merges everything together.
In addition you have told a beautiful story that portrays you in a good light.
But the fact remains that saying water is what matters to you is kind of weird.
Don't know if a "even if it sounds strange" would help, since it kind of reduces the impact of the last sentence.
But I am not sure whether you should talk so much about water in the first paragraph and more about the principles you have
acquired in life.
I would really love if you could check out my essay.
I could not help it I just have to post this:
Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend. -Bruce Lee
I agree with the person above. But one things for sure, you'll definitely stand out.
Other than that its a well written essay.
It is a great essay. I love the concept, I have the some prespective towards water, however, I believe you have a better understanding of that presepective
Overall essay is great, extraordinary experiences that you have been through.
I didn't looked at any grammtical errors, since the essay just flow naturally.
I wish for you to check my Rice suppliment again, I will really appreciate that.(Both ones)
Good luck!!
I really enjoyed your essay. Connecting water to your life in this way is truly very creative and if i was to pick between mediocre or borderline genius, i would probably go with the latter. It says a lot about you.
And I don't think you should worry about what Stanford "wants" to hear because they just want to see you and you did that.
Could you please take a look at my Stanford roommate essay?
