"Endless possibilities" I recall thinking freshman year at the most memorable tournament of my high school career, The Capital City Classic. This was the first time I had visited Florida State University. I remember the humility I felt as our bus drove in under the towering architecture, and the contentment instilled in me by the serene layout of the campus, but my contentment was brushed aside, replaced with a longing. It was that moment that my dream of one day being a F.S.U. graduate was born. The traditional philosophies of Florida State, the build and maturity of strengths through life, the personal objective to always be better and excel in whatever comes your way, and the traditional values paving the pursuit of originality and exceptionality in your character, had provided me with a direct objective for my future.
Our character is built from our experiences but all of us have innate strengths, abilities and ideals that give us an edge and lead us to the experiences we obtain. Physically, I have been blessed with the ability to grow and produce results, I have been given a healthy body that is constantly yearning for more action, whether it is football, surfing, or any other sports I endeavor I can excel competitively. Mentally, the world is full of knowledge and I make it my goal to learn and experience all I can, whether information on the legal system of New Zealand's Ministry of Justice from an academic class, or learning the trends and patterns of offensive backs and wrestlers in sports. Morally, I revel in being useful; I have a great passion for assisting people in accomplishing their goals, whether giving a helping hand to a coworker moving into a new apartment, or playing in the worship band with my twin brother or sharing a message at church to assist people in feeling humbled by a higher power.
The path of excellence from F.S.U. extends back through the generations, a path I feel in my blood and hear from my mother as an alumnus, a foundation I want to plant my roots in and expand from. The motivation to gain from life, to prosper, has enraptured and drawn me into a fixation. Lately in my life creating, learning, and working diligently are all I think about. The world is growing why shouldn't I? In my galvanized mood I have taken up four extra online classes and a part time job this year along with my extracurricular activities of drawing, church, and surfing to push myself further towards excellence and achieving my goals.
All of my experiences, I feel, have been leading me towards this point in my life. I want to be better; I don't want to be just another statistic of life! I want to help guide and protect the future creations of this world. The ideas and innovation of your institute have drawn me in now ignite me as a flaming spear and cast me to the field so the battle can begin.
any help would be ..helpful i want to make the topic paragraph better any ideas also if you could check it for errors
It was during that moment that my...
Our character is built from our experiences but all of us have innate strengths... All this stuff is too vague and philosophical. At this point in the essay, you should intrigue the reader by sharing what intrigues you. What is it that has become important to you? Instead of philosophizing about strengths and ideals, tell the reader the story of your interest that developed and why this school's program is perfect for you as you enact your plan.
a helping hand to a coworker... Let's not group sacred spiritual stuff with helping someone move. Not that helping someone move is not sacred spiritual stuff, ... it seems like you are just listing experiences here. I want to know what drives you, what mission you are on.
You have such a great writing style... I hope you know that. But I have to criticize you for being too philosophical and not focusing on your action plan, your vision of the future.
Fill this essay with concrete value, promises about goals you will achieve. :-)
