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Energetic boy / family love - UBC personal profile_Tell us about who you are

jane2020 1 / 1  
Jan 11, 2020   #1

1. Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

Although I am an energic young boy, I think I am more mature than my peers in all aspects. In the eyes of my family, I am an independent, optimistic and efficient person. There was a lot of homework and exams every semester, but my parents never had to worry about my exam results. My friends think I am a humorous person. I often tell jokes to break the ice at the party, so my friends like me very much. Besides, my neighbors commented that I was a kind and polite young man. Because I never make noise to disturb my neighbors, and I sort the garbage according to the requirements of the community. I have a neighbor who is an old man and I take out the garbage for him from time to time. I have two things to be proud of. First of all, I recently participated in the high school math competition in Canada and got the top 25%, which encourages me a lot. It also proved that my efforts were rewarded. The other thing is, as a rookie in basketball, I helped my team win the 11th grade basketball league. To win the honor for the team, I feel more proud than to win the individual honor.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,107 3258  
Jan 12, 2020   #2
The essay works because it covers all aspects of the prompt presented. However, I would like you to focus more on your maturity as a person as evidence of your preparedness to attend college. That means, your parents confidence in you should go beyond merely not having to worry about your exam results. You have extra word count available to further highlight your maturity and sense of responsibility. Try to do that. You might also try to explain how you helped your team win the basketball tournament to show how you function as a team player aside from the sense of pride you get from the team accomplishment.
OP jane2020 1 / 1  
Jan 12, 2020   #3
thank you for your suggestion@Holt

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