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'my energy in the classroom' - Why UPenn and what can you contribute?

sharx 1 / 1  
Dec 15, 2011   #1
When I first glanced at a brochure from the University of Pennsylvania, I was immediately drawn in by the pictures of the students. Smiling, they were full of confidence and vibrant energy, budding adults that would one day become the future leaders of the world. It was then that I realized I wanted to be one of them.

Penn suits me because of my energy in the classroom and my eagerness to learn. In my sophomore year, I decided to break the age boundary, doubling in math and taking Advanced Placement Statistics. Alone in a sea of seniors, I overcame this challenge with endless notes and hours of studying. After it was all over, instead of breathing a sigh of relief, I realized I had learned to love statistics. I am eager to continue my education in statistics at Penn with the same fervor and enthusiasm with which I pursue all my passions. In addition, Penn stresses the importance of an interdisciplinary education, supporting my wish to pursue a minor in Chinese. There I will learn to combine my knowledge and skills across different fields to shape the world for the better.

I felt an immediate connection with Penn's emphasis on participation in the community, both locally and globally. As someone who believes that the gift of giving goes both ways, I have become a dedicated volunteer teacher. In my freshman year, I helped raise thousands of dollars to help impoverished children across the world. At Penn, I would be excited to be a part of West Philadelphia tutoring, Penn Music Mentors, and other community service projects. Through programs like the global health partnership in Botswana and Penn International Business Volunteers-programs that form alliances with nations and organizations across the world-Penn provides the opportunity to affect change on an international scale.

Competition at Wharton is stiff, and you are wondering why you should accept me over other applicants. Through working with children I have learned to work with people of all ages. I realized at the core of each adult is a child; children are adults who express their inner emotions more openly. Seeing the value of childlike honesty, I act with true sincerity and compassion in all I do. I am a leader in the classroom, confidently expressing my ideas and opinions. I am innovative, tenacious, and unafraid to rock the boat; I am a mover, a shaker, a changer.

Penn is my first choice not just because of the high quality education or the 450 plus choices of student groups to be involved in, but mostly because there I will have the opportunity to discover myself, challenge myself, and reach for new heights. I will contribute as greatly to the University of Pennsylvania as I will profit from it. College will prepare me to be successful. My understanding of success is not only defined by my own life, but by how much I give back to society. The famous Greek physicist Archimedes once said, "Give me a lever long enough and I shall move the world". Above all, I know that going to the University of Pennsylvania will give me the knowledge, experiences, and opportunities to lengthen my lever, so that perhaps one day, I can move the world and change it for the better.

arnela123 2 / 13  
Dec 15, 2011   #2
i like the 3rd para! very nicely writen, but i wasnt too sure about the In 1740, Benjamin Franklin founded the University of Pennsylvania, with the ingenuity to create an institution dedicated to prepare students for lives of business and public service instead of clergy. As the first of its kind, Penn is a tribute to diversity. While researching, I discovered a smorgasbord of appealing groups and ensembles. As an award-winning pianist and talented singer, I have seriously explored Jazz Combos, University Choir, and Dischord. As an older sister, I also have the patience and understanding to successfully work with children, as I have done as a piano tutor and volunteer teacher. I would be excited to be a part of West Philadelphia ctutoring, Penn Music Mentors, and other community service projects

it doesnt answer their -question.
what wil you provide for them.?. well of course as you mentioned in the 3rd paragraph you were willing to take a chance with seniors in class!
OP sharx 1 / 1  
Dec 16, 2011   #3

The actual prompt was: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community?

I described the clubs and activities I would join as part of my contribution to the school - but maybe it doesn't fit that well into the rest of the essay.
generous_kaz 1 / 5  
Dec 16, 2011   #4
Don't mention that you hold no leadership positions. Never sound too humble in your essay; be as aggressive as you can be to exemplify your confidence. Only mention your strengths and wow the admissions committee with your accomplishments. In paragraph 4, be specific, and I mean specific, with what you mean by being a leader in the classroom. I can assure you just about 99% of every applicant mentions they are some sort of leader in the classroom/school. Do less in praising UPenn because this will definitely give the admissions committee the notion that you only want to attend UPenn for the prestige and not for the benefit of the programs they offer there. Think about the big picture and be honest to yourself. You can go on and on saying that attending UPenn will make you a smarter person in a million different ways, but tell how you can be a smarter person by simply talking more about your aspirations for studying statistics; talk about your goals "after" earning a degree from an ivy league. These kinds of schools only wonder whether you will graduate from their school and have the goals to do awesome things beyond college. Remember to be extra-extra specific! Good luck!
generous_kaz 1 / 5  
Dec 17, 2011   #5
At the end of both paragraphs 2 and 5, you mention almost the same thing: changing the world for the better. World is a vague term to use. Everyone wants to change the world to make it a better place. How would you do it differently? By inspiring young individuals, helping the poor, or committing yourself to those less fortunate?
Alicegz 2 / 25  
Dec 17, 2011   #6
I like your essay-it's really sincere!
There are some changes you can make:

I overcame this challenge withendless pages of notes and endless hours of studying.

I love this part: Above all, I know that going to the University of Pennsylvania will give me the knowledge, experiences, and opportunities to lengthen my lever

It's cute:)

I would love it if you could look at my essay too!

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