Hi, guys! I'm new here and I'm a Chinese. I don't know whether my essay serves topic well because I think I may take a lot of time to state why engineering. I do hope that I can say more about Michigan, but you know, 500 words maximum.
Would you like to help me to revise it ASAP because the deadline is 1st January. Love from China!!THANK YOU!!!
Q： Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)
Engineering Complex
Without engineering, I couldn't be what I am now; without engineering, the world couldn't be what it looks like now. The boundless power contained in engineering lies my engineering complex. So I hope that under the help of engineering, I am more capable to make contributions to create a better world and facilitate people's life.
Albert Einstein said: "Scientists investigate that which already is; Engineers create that which has never been". The unique feeling of constructing new thing is always attracts me. I was once a timorous and taciturn girl with few friends. And my unlovely appearance made me stay away from pretty dolls, which is the most popular toy among girls. Thanks to my father, who is an electric engineer, he presented me the original engineering world. I got my most precious gift at my 5-year-old birthday from him: a set of LEGO building block. I was instantly lost myself into playing with it. I would firstly drew a draft of my design to determine what's the structure, what kind of blocks and how many blocks I needed, and then put all pieces together cautiously. Every single piece of block seems so normal that even make no sense, but after an elaborated engineering, it can create a brand new world. By building my ideal construction, I also built a new me: a confidence girl with a lot of creative ideas. "Engineering" witnessed almost my whole childhood, lightening my tedious life.
However, the construction of engineering occurring on me is just the enlightenment of my engineering complex. The amazing magic of engineering that I experienced when applying it to truly help people developed my infatuation of engineering. Last winter, I went to Daxia mountain, which lies in the most remote area of Yunnan Province, PR China, to be a volunteer teacher. The quality of the water there is far from satisfaction so that the people's health is badly harmed. I, together with my group members helped them to create a simple purify device. From that point, I realized that it is engineering that gives us a chance to improve the quality of life.
The key to benefit the world is how to apply engineering to the real situation and solve the problems efficiently and optimally. So practice and research are of essential importance. After taking with the professors in UM and my buddy in UM, I found the university of Michigan ideal to support my engineering interest and goal. Michigan has an Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program, which allows undergraduate to realize their ideas and get more professional directions from experts. By applying for this program, I can get more experience and be better prepared for my future service.
Besides, I've also learn that IOE department provides a lot of application courses, such as IOE 366(Linear Statistical Models), IOE 202 (Operations Modeling) and IOE 421 (Work Organizations). Taking these courses can largely improve my ability of dealing with the problems in real world.
constructing newthings is what has always attracted
I don't like your self-portrayal as ugly (hence you didn't like dolls).
Perhaps...
Due to my aversion to dolls, the preferred plaything of other girls, my father introduced me to the engineering world with LEGO building blocks.
The wording of "I was instantly lost myself into playing with it" is grammaticality incorrect.
I lost myself in the LEGO set, playing for hours.
This needs a lot of revision
"I would firstly drew a draft of my design to determine what's the structure, what kind of blocks and how many blocks I needed, and then put all pieces together cautiously. Every single piece of block seems so normal that even make no sense, but after an elaborated engineering, it can create a brand new world."
Confidant, not confidence girl
Sorry I could only get through the first half, but I think you have a lot of grammar correction to do before submission
Good luck!
Grace
Agreed lots of grammar mistakes. In addition, you're not answering the question. The questions asks you to say what the school's curriculum will do for you. You only mentioned in one sentence how a couple of their classes have applications and how they will "largely improve my ability in dealing with the problems in the real world." way too general... I would say almost all classes will help you in the real world if they pertain to your major.
People notice grammar errors, but I want to point out that grammar is changing as the world goes through "globalization." People from various backgrounds are using English with different styles. Your way of using English absolutely reflects intelligence and confidence.
I think you DID answer the prompt question; I see that you give a lot of examples of things that appeal to you and draw you to thins school.
You have little errors like this:
The unique feeling of constructing new things is always attracts me.
This is excellent: By building my ideal construction, I also built a new me: a confidence confident girl with a lot of creative ideas. ----I just changed one word...
:-)
