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"WHY" - engineering department, NORTHWESTERN SUPPLEMENT

iRunShow 6 / 15  
Dec 27, 2009   #1
Hi, Thanks for reading and critiquing this.
I will gladly read and critique yours too.
Any feed back will be appreciated THANK YOU.
What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Seventeen years have gone by in a flash, its time to apply for University!

In my college search, and life in general, I never settle for seconds. Some say I have the taste of a wine connoisseur: I crave for the best. First I look at appearance. My aesthetic sides calls for scenery. But my penchant for modernization calls for urban settlements. Next I need to attain a feel for the place. I need to see its appeal, its community, and its diversity. Then I visualize myself at the university. What I can accomplish there? How can I take advantage of what it has to offer? Finally, just like the aftertaste, I look at how I can contribute to society after attending a certain university. These are the requirements in my search and for some reason (maybe my standards are too high) close to none universities pass. But one expectation is Northwestern University. It satisfies all my whims and much more. The campus is lovely and the city of Chicago is in close proximity. It's history dates back to 1851. There are students from all fifty states and over fifty countries - all endorsing a variety of backgrounds.

Can I take advantage of the several research opportunities offered at McCormick? Of course! I will do extensive research with the state-the-art technology Northwestern is able to offer. I will expand my knowledge through hands-on activities and improve my laboratory skills. I will join the hundreds of student organizations and use it not only as a web to socialize but also as groups where members collaborate, in order to reach common goals and discuss intellectual interests. I will enroll in the special certificate program, Certificate in Biotechnology and Biochemical Engineering, and take advantage of the in-depth preparation for my future graduate study in biotechnology. I will get a head start.

For wine, it's all about the aftertaste. For a university, it's all about contribution to society after attending it. The special programs and extracurricular activities I will join at Northwestern prove to play a pivotal role in my dreams to become a bioengineer. Even before my graduate school begins, I will have exercised my interest in engineering and biology - in ways that provoke me and in ways that are not restrained by the course curriculum. The world-acclaimed engineering department and innovative programs cannot be found in any other university.

Collectively, as a whole, I look at the combined factors of a university (appearance, feel, and advantages of attending) to establish the following properties: Complexity and Character: Potential: and Possible faults. From the diverse social backgrounds to the rewarding programs at McCormick, Northwestern truly deserves an A+ and attending would definitely not be a fault. If Northwestern were a wine, I would certainly enjoy it (when I am of age of course).
angie127 12 / 49  
Dec 27, 2009   #2
Thats an interesting approach!

Seventeen years have gone by in a flash, its time to apply for University!

It's history dates back to 1851

The two sentences above are unnecessary.

It's good to make a "Why College X" personal, so that the admission office gets to know you more and sees why you wants to go their college. Expand in a couple of sentneces why are you interested in Biotechnology.

The special programs and extracurricular activities I will join at Northwestern prove to play a pivotal role in my dreams to become a bioengineer.

Expand on the "special programs and extracurricular activities". Colleges like to see you've done your research! Show what else specifically makes Northwestern unique.

Good luck to you! I'm also applying to Northwestern!
OP iRunShow 6 / 15  
Dec 27, 2009   #3
Thank you Angelica,
I'll try to add as much NU as I can =)
and Thanks for those sentences that weren't neccessary
srandhawa 10 / 157  
Dec 27, 2009   #4
this is an interesting approach, but i dont know how well it works, its not bad, and you'll get some attention for the approach, but this essay kind of fades after a solid start. Your essay is the kind i feel that need specific programs or things you like about the school, northwestern has lots of clubs, organizations etc, mention some, mention some that go w/ your passions toward engineering. Your first line, I don't like it, might just be personal preference but it comes across as awkward, forced, not the spontaneous orignial type of work your looking for. Also, even though i think the intro is the best part, it feels forced, you specifically go like, now what about the aftertaste, what about this and that, it doesn't come across naturally which if your going to try to use a creative idea, it needs to. That whole second para of I wills isn't a good idea either, talk about what you've already seen, there will be many applicants who've already visisted, who've already made contacts, who've already seen clubs in northwestern, your i will isnt as good as those who already have something w/ the university. Even if you havent visited, do some research on the organizations within the club and talk about that, what you like. If your going to talk about your post undergrad experience and how northwestern will influence it, give something more than those empty statements like northwestern will help me realize this and that. For ex, in mine i said that there emphasis on chemistry for med which most undergrad schools dont do and there emphasis on reserach will pay huge dividends in teh future. Give something more specific. The last two lines are also really awkward, cheesy esque.

I know this is alot of what seems like negative feedback, but clearly you are creative, your willing to try something new, i think if you focus around something and dont try so hard to relate to your wine theme which doesnt come across as natural, you will allow your true skills to shine through and your essay will be much stronger.

Good luck I'm applying to nw and like every other school you are i think:)
OP iRunShow 6 / 15  
Dec 27, 2009   #5
Thank you for your feedback! And dont worry about the negative part- its good for me =).

I've deleted the cheesy parts and add a lot more NU to my essay. It seems like we are apply to the exact schools, maybe we'll get to see each other next year lol.

Good luck to you too ! and Thank you

P.S does anyone know how to like delete the first post so i can post a revised version of the essay?ty
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 1, 2010   #6
Hi Jonathan, you can post your next draft any time you want, I look forward to seeing your progress. :-) You don't have to wait for the original draft to be deleted.

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