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Why engineering-an experience that sparked your interest in engineering


yf8651 16 / 31  
Dec 11, 2009   #1
please proof read it and tell me about the quality of writing.
Any comment or criticism is welcomed.

Prompt: Describe an experience that sparked your interest in engineering.

My interest in engineering, environmental engineering actually comes from a river near my house originally. Flowing into Grand Canal, the river is encompassed by wheat fields stretching to the horizon. The small river was my relaxation heaven. Early in the morning many years ago, I would jog along the riverside through footpath dotted with beautiful wild flowers. The view of poplars across the river faded in and out of the refreshing morning mist in front of my eyes, giving me an impression of wonderland.

However, several years later, everything about the river changed. A chemical factory was set up near the river. Slowly, the pristine river became feculent; beautiful flowers and refreshing mist that I got so accustomed to eventually disappeared. Witnessing the bad environment condition of the river, my heart was broken. I really hoped to stop the river from deterioration, but with little knowledge about environmental engineering, I could do nothing but felt sorry for it. After that painful experience, I realized the importance of environmental engineering, a useful subject that helped preserve good environment and create better living habitat for all the species. Out of interest, I began to explore the realm of engineering by reading Juvenile Science and other science magazines. Through the massive reading, I learned much knowledge about engineering, but the rudimentary information I received gave me more puzzles and triggered my burning desire to discover more about engineering in the university.

Now, I occasionally go to the river from my childhood. The falling river takes me back to those bygone days when I went there for inspirations of writing or math problems on sunny or drizzling days, when clear ripples and endless rippling wheat created an ideal place for my thoughts to gallop. The river was an indispensable part of my life. I really hope I could cure it someday.
edgardz21 5 / 11  
Dec 11, 2009   #2
My childhood would not have been as happy and rich as it was without a river near my house. ( word it different, sounds a bit awkward but I cant put my finger on it) Flowing into Grand Canal, the river is encompassed by wheat fields stretching to the horizon. The small river was my relaxation heaven. Early in the morning many years ago, I would jog along the riverside through footpath dotted with beautiful wild flowers. The view of poplars across the river faded in and out of the refreshing morning mist in front of my eyes, giving me an impression of wonderland. The river is not just for recreation, it is also my harbor of soul. I would often go there for inspirations of writing or math problems no matter if it was sunny or drizzling (I really love drizzling there because of the quiet ambience). Glittering ripples and endless rippling wheat nearby created an ideal place for my thoughts to gallop and my mind to go free. To some extent, The river was an indispensable part of my life.

However, several years later when I got intoentered middle school, everything about thatthe river changed. A chemical factory was set up near the river. Slowly, the pristine river became feculent; beautiful flowers and refreshing mist that I got so accustomed to eventually disappeared. Witnessing such deterioration of the environment condition of the river, my heart was broken.

( I think you jump to fast to this point ) Then, I began to read science magazines such as Juvenile Science and Little Copernicus to find out how to solve the abhorrent pollution problems out of interest. Through the massive reading, I learned much knowledge about environmental engineering, but the rudimentary information I received gave me more puzzles and triggered my burning desire to discover more. I know that my curiosity and interest on this subject can only be fully satisfied if I study the environmental engineering in the university.

Expand more on the college issues
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 12, 2009   #3
I have a strange idea for you. the first paragraph is beautiful, but I think it is too long. I think this could be excellent if you end the first paragraph after the word wonderland... and then write the paragraph about the problem. Then, for the 3rd paragraph, begin with the second half of your first paragraph, like this:

The river from my childhood was not just for recreation; it is also my harbor of soul. I would go there...

I think it would be nice to begin and end with mention of that river...
OP yf8651 16 / 31  
Dec 12, 2009   #4
I have revized the essay. Here is my second draft, any comment?

READ ABOVE
shaokunkaren 1 / 3  
Dec 13, 2009   #5
I agree with Kelvin and think the revised version is much better! In fact I must say you can really write although you are not a native speaker.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 15, 2009   #6
My interest in engineering environmental engineering actually comes from my experiences of a river near the house where I grew up. originally .

Flowing into the Grand Canal, the river is encompassed by wheat fields stretching to the horizon.---good sentence!

This is really nice, now.

The falling river takes me back to those bygone days when I went there for inspiration -- writing or math problems, sunny days and drizzling days -- when clear ripples and endless rippling wheat created an ideal place for my thoughts to gallop. The river was an indispensable part of my life. I really hope I can cure it some day .


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