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Engineering and minor in Mathematics for Teaching - UC Personal Statement


alexa21 1 / -  
Nov 22, 2009   #1
I was looking at some of the essays, and now I know I have a lot of work to do because mine isn't even half decent. I'm hoping to get some suggestions, comments, tips, etc. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE.

1) What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

There were a lot of academic and career paths that I wanted to pursue, but I can only choose a few of them realistically. I decided to major in Computer Science and/or Engineering and minor in Mathematics for Teaching. I have always dreamed becoming an engineer ever since I was little. I have always loved mathematics, physics and chemistry and so, despite my challenging major preparation coursework, I enjoyed doing them. That feeling of enjoyment and my desire of wanting to become like my father, who was an electrical engineer in the Philippines solidified my choice and the only thing I needed was identifying the exact area.

As I was looking at all the areas of engineering, computer science and/or engineering stood out to me. Computers were so magical when they first came out and when I got my first one in 5th grade, I was fascinated of how it can do most of the things a human does. I wanted to know how it works and eventually dreamed of building my own computer. Designing programs to solve business and/or scientific problems in the courses I have taken also kept my enthusiasm towards the subject. Two to five years from now, I hope to work in a huge computer company and make a name for myself for all my future projects.

This particular field would require me to keep up with all the advances in technology that I would not mind doing, but certainly not for the rest of my life. After a decade working as a computer software engineer, I would want to teach either in middle school or in a community college. I have spent most of my time in school and recognized how my teachers have positively impacted my outlook in life. I would want to make a huge difference in students' lives and make them realize how important education is and how everything is attainable with the right attitude and an infinite amount of resources and help available.

cuddles 3 / 10  
Nov 22, 2009   #2
That feeling of enjoyment and my desire of wanting to become like my father, who was an electrical engineer in the Philippines solidified my choice and the only thing I needed was identifying the exact area.

Also, the sentence is very long. You might want to try breaking it into two sentences.

....my choice. The only thing I needed was identifying the exact area.

was fascinated by how it can do most of the things a human does
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Nov 25, 2009   #3
When you write, think of what purpose you want each sentence to serve. Your intro makes it sound like you are not too certain about your intended major. I think there's no need for an opening sentence that says you might be interested in a lot of other majors besides engineering. Instead, focus on how drien you are to succeed in this field.

That feeling of enjoyment and my desire of wanting to become like my father, who was an electrical engineer in the Philippines, solidified my choice. and the only thing I needed was identifying the exact area.

Computers were so magical when they first came out, and when I got my first (type of computer) in 5th grade, I was fascinated by its ability to do most of the things a human does.

Two to five years from now, I hope to work in a huge computer company and make a name for myself by succeeding in a variety of projects.

I like your last paragraph!


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