This is my essay I wrote for John Hopkins University (250 words), I am thinking about using a version of this essay for both my U of I Essay (300 words) and my U of M Essay (500 words). What would be some other ideas I could add to this essay to make it longer as well as telling me how bad I am at writing and how to make it better would be very appreciated.
Why mom, why? That was once one of my mother's least favorite phrases to hear out of me, as I insistently bothered her to learn how everything worked. Since that young age I have tried to view the world through a skeptical and inquisitive viewpoint. I believe that through this method of viewing the environment around me has led to many discoveries that might have gone unknown to me
My questioning has led me to try and learn about the world and how it works, both through difficult courses in school, and varied online resources about how different things function. These personal discoveries have helped me to discover and fine many new ideas, from different types of nuclear reactors to space travel. Each idea I have found has given more to me in terms of understanding and knowledge of the world, bring me closer to some display of control over the world
My personal answer to my question of why something works or occurs is that there is no one true answer, and the only way to go forward and try to learn as much as possible and work towards some final, unattainable scientific goal of complete knowledge of all things. This continued questioning of the world is what I feel has attracted me to engineering, due to its involvement in learning how life functions and how one person can use the principles of engineering to create change.
Word Count: 238 words
The Prompts:
John Hopkins: Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)
Illinois: ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please describe how your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major. If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois.
Michigan:Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (250 words maximum)
The essay flows nicely, but I feel it is abstract. I agree with the person above that you need to mention the type of engineering; I feel it will force you to be more specific. You mention how different things function. Hopkins would be more impressed if you give some examples instead of being generic. Good job, though!
I believe that through this method of viewing the environment around me has led to many discoveries that might have gone unknown to me
remove through, it's unnecessary
It's an interesting essay, but perhaps focus more the prompt, since there is a limit?
