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'Engineering and Ping Pong' - Georgia Tech Short Essay


srivatsavt 1 / -  
Oct 1, 2012   #1
Here's my first short essay for Georgia Tech. Tell me anything that is wrong with it.

Here is the prompt:
Short Essay: Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech and what do you hope to contribute to our community?

Becoming an engineer has always been my dream. When I was little, my parents took me to the Boeing Museum in Seattle. I was fascinated with the number of calculations and the amount of work these engineers have put to design the most ideal airplane of all. Also, I visited the Apple Headquarters in Cupertino where I was even more fascinated with the development of the iPhone and that it is a symbol of a technologically advanced world. By attending Georgia Tech, I am one step closer to fulfilling my dream of making the world even more technologically advanced. Along with the engineer dream, I want to spread my love for table tennis and prove my abilities as a top-ranked player. I'm not that player who likes to joke around on a Friday night, slapping a ball around with friends who don't acknowledge table tennis as a sport, calling it "ping pong". I'm a serious contender for the 2016 and 2020 Olympics, and I want to prove that table tennis is a real sport, not just a fun pastime.
rxa0789 2 / 5  
Oct 14, 2012   #2
I think to make this essay more effective you need to choose one topic to talk about. Having two unrelated topics just confuses the reader. I feel as though the engineering topic makes sense and the table tennis one is kind of random. However, this could due to the way it is presented. The best way to go about this situation would be to choose one, and go further and deeper in to it. Elaborate on it.
caseySchooling 5 / 22  
Oct 14, 2012   #3
I have to agree with rxa0789; there is a somewhat garrulous aspect of your essay. You just seem to talk about events and a hobby you have had. Though ping-pong and Boeing are both interesting, when I opened up this prompt, the title seriously interested me. I was wondering how the two were connected. Then, when I read and realized they weren't connected, I became very disappointed. If you could somehow relate the two together in a way to answer the prompt, that would be a great essay.

However, if you cannot do that, then narrow down the focus and choose one of these events to elaborate on.


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