Could anyone please review my Statement of Purpose....????
If there is any mistake in this essay please tell me and this is not the final essay i still have to write.
So any suggestions...what else should i add ???
Statement of Purpose.
In the 21st century engineering plays a more vital role in our lives than ever before. As I look around myself I observe numerous devices that were designed and constructed by engineers. This fills me with a desire to be a part of this great prolific system of creativity and ingenuity.
My interest in engineering grew when we got our first computer, I was very fascinated about computer programming language and different electronic gadgets. Soon thereafter, computer started as my hobby. Along the way, however, I recall often that opening numerous devices to observe the contraptions that lay within was the most that I enjoyed. I was very excited when our school offered computer as a subject. I also ranked 'A' grade in SSC Boards for 'Computer'. Besides learning about computers in school, I also started attending computer courses outside the school which really helped me to learn more and explore the world of computer. Computer Engineering was a natural career choice after this for me.
My keen knowledge in computer and my dedication in the subjects, right from the beginning of high school days helped me to secure admission in one of the best college in the city of Mumbai (Baba Saheb Gawde Institute of Technology) for a 3 year course leading to a Diploma in Computer Engineering.
During my diploma studies at Baba Saheb Gawde Institute of Technology, I was exhilarated by the computer programming languages like C++, Java, Assembly Language, HTML and Computer Networking. In my 1st year of diploma, I designed my first project which was based on HTML.
My keen knowledge in C++ helped me to design my project in 2nd year of my diploma, the project basically draws and give information about different types of electronic gates in which I scored the highest marks. I was now determined to focus on programming language for my final year project.
For our final year project our team decided to design an Instant Messenger in Java. As the group leader of my project team, I handled various aspects of project from coding to documentation and final testing.
After spending all these years in college I have learnt many new concepts of computer engineering. I wish to earn a Degree in Computer Engineering. I intend to follow this up with a MS Degree, and later, a career in research and entrepreneurship to benefit the society through the use of technology. And I feel that undergraduate studies at your University will be the most logical extension of my academic pursuits and a major step towards achieving my objectives.
It is a strong belief in my family that the United Kingdom education system has the best to offer in the whole world. 'Everybody deserves a chance', if I can get a chance to be a part of this intellectually stimulating environment, I am sure my talents will be put to optimal use.
As I look around myself Looking around, I observe numerous devices that were designed and constructed by engineers.
Soon thereafter, the computer became my hobby.
Can you add something excellent to the first paragraph to make it more substantial? I think you should mention the thing about "everybody deserves a chance" in that first paragraph, so that at the end it wraps up nicely by referring to it again. You can write something specific about how the resources at this school will enable you to have a chance to play the specific roles you want to play as an engineer.
Overall, it is a little too informational and not emotive enough... emotive, with colorful words.
Also, this sentence should be reconsidered:
It is a strong belief in my family that the United Kingdom education system has the best to offer in the whole world .
Try to make every sentence like a brilliant stroke of a sword. Make every sentence AFFECT the reader in a particular way...
