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"English Corner" Extracurricular Activity UIUC-prompt


kayyao 6 / 20  
Oct 30, 2009   #1
I am an international student and my grammar is terrible.Sugestions,comments and critiques are welcome Please help!! thank you~
also, i need to cut about 20 words out I have no idea

ESSAY #2: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

After struggling with English for six years, I realized that I could not even speak. Thus, I decided to immerse myself in a thoroughly English-speaking atmosphere like English Corner, as a good countermeasure for all the year I spent speaking Chinese. In grade 10, I was selected to be the leader of the school English Corner.

At first, I felt uncomfortable at making conversation in such occasions, serious yet informal. What always happened was that, everyone seated around a chat-table, eyes staring at me and mouths shut, then I felt compelled to break the ice. Operating became much easier as I gained more experience. In order to appease everyone's uneasy mood, topics that I started with were always as affable as how to negotiate with a tough-going teacher, and sometimes I even helped to proofread their Social Study essays. With some encouragement and practice, almost all members were able to speak coherently, and later, their teachers were amazed at their significant improvements. Most importantly, I found enthusiasm towards my job. In order to recruit more people, I surveyed people's views and ideas about English Corner, devoted my self-study time to making advertising posters, browsed on topics and games on weekend that I thought would be intriguing. In that time, more and more people were willing to participate, and with our club slogan " We Will English You", our participants turned every corner surrounds them into a "English Corner". I realized English Corner was not simply a place for people to have casual talks but a place where I found a different aspect of myself after putting in passion and effort in which I was blissful and energetic by helping others.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Oct 30, 2009   #2
As most Chinese students, after years of struggling with English, I decided to immerse myself in a thoroughly English-speaking atmosphere as a good countermeasure for all the year I spent speaking Chinese.

One of my roles was...

Most importantly, I found my enthusiasm towards my job. In order to recruit more people, I surveyed people's views and ideas about English Corner, devoted my self-study time to making advertising posters, browsed on...

You have some mistakes, so your English is not perfect, but even people who grew up speaking English do not speak it perfectly!

A trick I want to tell you about is to try to say ALL of this in a single paragraph, and then write a new introduction paragraph. If you condense all of this into one paragraph -- by taking out unnecessary things -- you can create something really cool. It will be "distilled."
OP kayyao 6 / 20  
Oct 30, 2009   #3
thank you so much for the feedback, here it is again. I added a bit in the introduction and the end. Thank you~
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Nov 2, 2009   #4
What made everyone feel uneasy? Was it that they did not know each other and spoke different languages?

That is the question that came to mind. Maybe you should add a sentence to explain why they were uneasy.

I feel proud of you, even though I don't know you! What always happened was this: Everyone would be seated around a chat-table, eyes staring at me and mouths shut, and I felt compelled to break the ice.

That sentence needed some help. I hope you like the way I changed it. See how I used a colon to fix it?

Good luck! You're doing great.


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