Hello. I am an international student, could you check my UC personal statement and give me advice?
Best regard,
I am applying to University of California as English major in order to realize my dream, to be an English teacher in Japan. My English education started when I was an elementary school student. My parents supposed that globalization would advance, so it is important for me to learn English language. Therefore, I had an opportunity to attend to English conversation school for six years. Even though I just learned simple English words and phrases, I was totally attracted by them. Most around people of me could not speak in English at that time, so it is like magic spell for me. Also, I knew that appreciate to express my emotions through enjoyable activities. The environment encouraged me to be interested in English world and gave the dream.
During high school, I joined in field hockey club, and my team coach was an Australian. In spite of the fact that I learned speaking English for a long time, I could not understand what he said at first. However, I realized both my speaking and listening skill improved through interaction with him daily practice. Besides, turning point came to me that practiced with Australian high school students in summer vacation. My family accepted one of them as a host family. It was first time for me to communicate with my contemporaries who have different background. The reason why I did not know how to associate with them was because I had stereotype. However, I gradually socialized with them, and I changed my point of view from prejudice to seeing them as individual. Thus, I expanded my cosmopolitan outlook and became to respect each culture differences. Finally, I realized clearly that my horizon would be wider and my life would be more colorful if I could be share different ideas and cultures with foreign people. In order to achieve my goal, good English education is necessary for me. That is why I decided to studying abroad in America. Learning a second language afforded me opportunities to see the world in a new light and understand its cultural differences.
Upon arrival in the United States, all English classes, especially English literature interested me. My sensitivity to the nuance of different languages is improving. I read some well-know works such as Shakespeare and Jon Milton in Japanese. I marveled at the feeling that I encountered when new literary works surround me even though I read the same works in the original. I realize that meanings of words are subtly different between English and Japanese. It is impossible to capture all these nuances in translation. Thus, I have an appreciation of English literature again from another point of view.
As a member of an increasingly global society, I hope to be bridge between Japan and other countries. My English skill has been developing step by step whenever I get over hurdles. Now, I want to take a step forward to challenge studying in University of California. I believe that I will be very successful in my English studies and in my future career in Japan.
Great essay! :)
"Most around people of me could not speak in English at that time, so it is like magic spell for me".
change that to .. may be this -> "Most of the people around me".
English is my second language and i am not really that good at it but i wanted to help.
Keep it in the past tense:
My parents supposed that globalization would advance, so it is was important for me to learn English language.
During high school, I joined in a field hockey club, and my team coach was an Australian. In spite of the fact that I learned speaking English for a long time, I could not understand what he said at first.-----hahahah! Yes, accents can change a language a lot!
That is why I decided to studying study abroad in America.
Now, I want to take a step forward to tackle the challenges associated with studying in University of California.---I changed this sentence in a way that might improve your arsenal of English words and phrases. "associated with" is a very useful phrase.
:-) Good luck! You seem like an awesome person.
