ENGLISH/Physics/Standing up/Day & night; GMS Essays Feedback

I know its late and passed the deadline but I was hoping if anyone could give me feedback on the essays I had submitted? Thank you! P.S I know they're not great and aren't up to sub par but I couldn't let this scholarship opportunity pass.

Prompt1:Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factors do you attribute your success?
Prompt2:Discuss the subjects in which you have had difficulty. What factors do you believe contributed to your difficulties? How have you dealt with them so they will not cause problems for you again? In what areas have you experienced the greatest improvement? What problem areas remain?

Prompt3:Briefly describe a situation in which you felt that you or others were treated unfairly or were not given an opportunity you felt you deserved. Why do you think this happened? How did you respond? Did the situation improve as a result of your response?

Prompt4:Discuss your short and long-term goals. Are some of them related? Which are priorities?
Prompt5:Discuss a leadership experience you have had in any area of your life: school, work, athletics, family, church, community, etc. How and why did you become a leader in this area? How did this experience influence your goals?

Prompt6:Discuss your involvement in and contributions to a community near your home, school or elsewhere. Please select an experience different from the one you discussed in the previous question, even if this experience also involved leadership. What did you accomplish? How did this experience influence your goals?

Prompt7:Other than through classes in school, in what areas (non-academic or academic) have you acquired knowledge or skills? How?
Prompt8:Is there anything else you would like to tell us about that may help us evaluate your nomination (i.e., personal characteristics, obstacles you have overcome)?

Prompt 1:

The power of words has the strength to move countries, change history, and even other people's minds. They can come in the form of combating weapons or a peaceful statement that breaks down barriers. The power of words has been evident in those who changed history for the best; Martin Luther King had a dream where segregation was no longer an issue and Rosa Parks spoke for her rights and took a stand against those who told her no. To ignite movements and inspire change in a world that can greatly need it through a spoken and written language proves that magic really does exist. At a young age, I would be able to grasp such magic in my own hands from learning how to read and write.

At the tender age of 4, the urge to read became more of a want than a need. My love for reading would begin to blossom at my first picture book and progress into short story books and eventually chapter books. This great interest that sparked at an early age would continue as I furthered my education. Reading and writing became a hobby for me and the more time I was able to read and write every day, the better I did in school. My passion for reading and writing has allowed me to excel in my English classes because it was incorporating something I loved doing with school, which I also enjoyed. As the old saying goes "practice makes perfect", so while I read the allotted time every day, the contribution I added to school with my extra reading and writing at home allowed me to flourish in school when it came to the subjects of reading and writing. My willingness to learn more and further my education outside of school by reading when not obligated to gave me the skills I need to excel in my A.P English classes.

Although I worked hard outside of school and read and wrote for enjoyment, it's also the encouragement of my parents that kept my passion for reading and writing aflame. For as long as I can remember, my parents have instilled in me the importance of a quality education and how far it could take you in life. Their loving, gentle push and inspiring advice to succeed gave me the strength I needed to persevere in reading and writing and that lead to excelling in English. They encouraged me to read every day and held the doors to the world wide open for me. I attribute my success to the daunting tasks my parents would go through to make sure I excelled in school and life, whether it was taking me to library on a daily basis, or reading to me every night.

My passion for reading and writing and my need to learn more have allowed me to excel in English but the encouragement of my parents works as the basis of my success in the English subject. It to my parent's reassuring words to reach for greatness that pushes me to strive for the best and ultimately excel in school.

Prompt 2:

As a child, I was known for following any direction I chose and acted on whim. This care-free attitude as a child would root itself into the problems I face in the math and science subjects. Being an imaginative and creative person worked to my advantage in subject areas such as English, where I could let my words speak orotundly but worked against me when it came to math and science. A weakness to follow rules would ultimately lead to difficulty in areas where rules held the most importance.

In math and science, a certain criteria must be met in order to obtain the correct answer. Specifically, geometry and physics would bring me to reevaluate what I was doing wrong. My inability to adhere to endless equations and theories kept me from flourishing the math and science subjects. There are certain rules to factoring a polynomial equation or solving the quadratic formula. One false move and the result would be incorrect. So when it came to remembering critical equations, it was difficult to study step by step. And the fact that geometry and physic s were almost solely based on equations, the tedious process of finding the correct answer and memorizing the set guidelines would be the attributing factors that led to difficulty in those subjects.

I tried solving equations the way I approached my writing, by writing free hand and seeing where it took me. During tests I would end up writing all over the sheet with looping numbers until one day I realized that organization, especially in math was key. I dealt with the problem by organizing the steps of an equation as I was solving it and made it possible to easily back track my work if a problem arose. This allowed me to keep focus and gave me the ability to keep track of the solving process. In physics, this would help me apply theories to problems, for example, it made solving problems dealing with Newton's laws easier. To memorize difficult equations, I would create acronyms to help remember steps. Incorporating writing with math definitely improved my skills and allowed me to improve greatly in physics because bringing in the aspects of both writing and math allowed me to create a stronger connection amongst the two and improved my understanding of theories and laws.

Although I greatly improved in physics/science, math subjects like geometry has remained a bit of a problem area. It has to do with the introduction of new equations every new chapter and the increase in the level of difficulty. Yet it still poses as a problem area, applying methods such as using acronyms has brought great help. But the difficulty has allowed me to realize that learning is never absolutely done and every day requires a great deal of work that pays off immensely.

Prompt: 3

There have been times in my life where I was guilty of committing a crime that has been done plenty of times before me. The crime I've committed is one that could imprison someone or even a whole nation behind a veil of words, a crime so troubling and debilitating with a profound impact that can easily be avoided: withholding yourself the right to be heard. And yet what most people don't realize is the little action it takes to prevent such a crime can require a great deal of effort. The simple act of being silent can have the biggest impact of all on the kind of person you are. I would come to realize this throughout school, where I was the wall flower that let other's opinions be my voice.

My realization would occur in the 8th grade during a quarterly social science group project. That day, as the teacher called out teams and topics, all I could focus on were his last words, "the project will count for one- third of your quarter grade". Knowing that the project held such a great importance on my grade, I was eager to begin work with my group. Since I was known for being the shy wallflower, I decided it was time to take charge and be the leader of the group. As I tried to gather the attention of my fellow group members, their half interested glances and disheartened attempt to interact with me and the project caused me to shrink away from the leadership role. My strong voice and insight faded into a mouse's squeak and left me without a voice. The group members began discussing the project, gathered a few ideas, and then turned to me to do the body of project. They had given me no option or choice on how to implement the project and expected me to do the research and practically create a whole presentation on my own. While I was left with all the work while they chatted about the latest show, I took that time to ponder who I was really mad at, my group members or myself. I realized that I was mad at myself more than anyone for allowing them to treat me unfairly and leave me with no say in the project but with all the work. I allowed it to happen before because I was too shy to speak up and that's how people saw me, the shy defenseless girl.

I however, didn't want to be known as the voiceless girl and used my realization to fuel my rising voice and self-esteem. I knew that if I wanted to change everyone's unfair perception of the person I am, I decided to express my thoughts to regain the voice that had faded and to speak up for myself. So rather than allow the other members to use me in such a way, I cleared my throat and gave insight on the ideas I had for the project and held my head up while setting a schedule and assigning tasks. I responded to the unfair treatment by utilizing my voice, to be heard amongst the rest and prove to them that I was no longer the person they thought they knew.

By standing up for myself, I was able to avoid the crime of being voiceless and of never being heard. Breaking away from my shyness and introvert attitude gave way to me gaining self-confidence I lacked and gain respect from my fellow peers. To my astonishment, the group members listened and with a hint of surprise in their voice, considered my ideas and enforced them. By speaking for myself and giving my voice sustenance, I was able to break free from the pattern of unfair treatment and relinquish my shy demeanor and embrace being heard.

Prompt 4:

My parent's provide my siblings and me with a loving home and an environment that encourages us to be who we are, whether it was different from the norm or not. They encouraged our contrasting taste in music and style of clothing. They allow my siblings and me to flourish into the best people we want to be and gave us many choices. There was one thing however, that was never an option, but more of a must: receiving a quality education. At a young age, my parent's emphasized the importance of an education and the difference it could make in your life.

With education being such a prominent theme in our household, it was never a question whether I was going to college or not, but rather a where and what I would study. Growing up with such encouragement would lead me to create short term and long term goals. My short term goals are to graduate with honors and apply for as many scholarships as I can, and saving up money for college. My long term goals would be to further my education by going to college and achieving successful life through a career. Both of my short term and long term goals are related in a way that each is a stepping stone in achieving the other. In order to get into a quality college and receive an education of equal stature, first I must maintain a good GPA and study hard to achieve the best in high school. So without a successful high school education, I wouldn't be able to strive in life without a career.

The moments that can have the greatest effects on the future are the ones that happen in the present, which is why I hold my short term goal of graduating high school with honors and saving money for college as priorities. What I do now sets the path for my future so it's important that I continue to succeed in school and put forth all my effort so that I could set for myself a clear path into a bright future.

Prompt 5:

I'm a student by day and a medical rookie by night. In the daytime, I'm juggling school and social life while once the clock strikes at nine o clock and the night falls like a heavy blanket, I begin measuring insulin shots. Ever since I was born I've been surrounded by a family full of people who love to help. So I grew up always wanting to help, whether it was helping my mother cook or giving my grandfather his insulin shot. Although we were lower middle class and still struggled financially, my family was always there when anyone needed us.

There would be times where I would question my parents and ask how we could possibly help others when we struggled financially ourselves. Although I asked various questions of the same topic, I was always met with the same answer: when one doesn't have material things to give, they can still give in a bigger and better way by lending a hand. Having that family trait is how I realized how I would come to approach my goal of going to college and achieving a successful field. It helped highlight my interests, which is helping to heal others, and would also help me discover the type of work field I would want to pursue. In 2006 my grandfather was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, and my mother took it upon herself to take care of him even if it meant taking on full responsibility and take care of him mostly on her own.

Since she worked the third shift, my mother, who is a nursing assistant, was constantly tired from the work that consumed her time and energy at work and home. That was when I decided it was time to help alleviate my mother of both jobs. So with my sister's help, we helped with the feeding, cleaning, and care of my grandfather. My leadership came into work when it became my responsibility to give my grandfather his medicine. With my mother's assistance, I learned to properly measure the medicine and give my grandfather his insulin shot, which he received every night. Knowing the importance that the medicine held on grandfather's health emphasized my role in his caring. It was my job to prepare the medicine and taking on that leadership role for my grandfather's health helped influence the direction of my long term goal of going to college.

On the night I learned how to give my grandfather his insulin shot is when I realized that not only was I capable of taking on such a great responsibility, I realized I also enjoyed making people feel better and helping them heal brought a sense of accomplishment in knowing that the person was healthier due to my help. Becoming a leader in this area opened my eyes to the many possibilities of successful careers I could persevere in the medical field. That experience would bring to the surface my interest in the sciences, specifically the medical field. I realized that I loved helping others and could handle and deal with what comes in the medical field like giving shots. And it greatly shaped my goals by giving them a narrower I want to pursue a career in the medical field and see myself heading off to a four-year college.

Prompt 6:

As I entered the Brands Park community center my sophomore year, I was welcomed with the cheerful cries and rhythmic laughter of children. Brightly colored paper decorations were illuminated by the sunlight filtering through the windows and warmed the room as I got ready to tutor elementary students. Having never tutored anyone before made the idea of being in charge of such a task, especially with children, seem daunting to me because I didn't know what to expect on my first day. Little did I know that the children would end up teaching more than I could possibly teach them.

Not only was I a tutor, but I was also responsible for taking care of the front desk and helping prepare the community center for the children. As I helped run the community center with the other workers, I was able to see the hard work and dedication that is put into the community center, and how much energy it takes to conduct it, all for the enhancement of the community. Through working with the others, some who were high school students too, opened my eyes to the importance a community center holds in the neighborhood. It provides a safe haven for people in the community looking to do recreational activities and gain any help needed, like in homework tutoring.

With the children I worked with, their gratitude for my help was apparent in their expressions when they accomplished their homework. Having worked with those children, my experience at Brands Park taught me the most valuable lesson which is that when it comes to volunteering, quality comes before quantity. I accomplished working with a group of people to successfully run a community center and learned that it takes a group effort to be able to do something so great for the community. It didn't matter whether or not I could give the children all my time or immense donations, but as long as I was there, giving them an opportunity to receive help. I learned that as I tutored them, being there to help was just as beneficial as being able to donate thousands of dollars. The children said that they would have been watching television or spending their time outside unproductively and that the community center provided a safe place for them. From this I gained the knowledge of how important responsibilities are and I realized that donating your time could go just as far as money. Helping the children with their homework helped me realize just how much I enjoy helping others and working with them to accomplish tasks. This experience would help me find a true direction of my goals, to achieve a career where I'm enabled to help others.

Prompt 7:

Nature can hold many wonders and provide an endless place that allows your mind to soar. There are times when school brings on the expected stress from A.P homework and the juggle between succeeding in school, having a social life, and helping the community. In the process I tend to forget to take care of myself and this in the end allows the stress to grasp its hold on me. But there is one place that can relinquish the bonding ties that stress can have over me: the local forest preserve.

Whenever I need to escape from the daily stress of school and life, I step foot into the Peterson Park Nature Preserve and the presence and rhythmical silence of nature takes its calming effect. It is while I'm in this environment where I can take a deep breath from and get lost in this magical world separated from the bustling roads and loud city streets. When I first discovered my love for nature, I realized that in order to combat stress, life needs balance. I learned that by taking time aside to tend to myself every now and then can immensely help with my attitude towards things when I approach them. Being able to take walks along the wood-chipped ground of the forest preserve allows me to clear my mind and think clearly.

I learned to take in the beauty of nature and its uniqueness to the world. I also learned from things I would have never thought could teach lessons. To me, the trees presented an organism that grew into this strong and healthy plant. It usually takes about ten years for a tree to fully grow and that taught me that the best things in life take time and work. To take in the little moments and give yourself time to grow and to avoid rushing things in life. Ultimately, my love for the forest helped me incorporate my new findings into my school work and has made me remember that haste only makes waste.

Prompt 8:

In this difficult and bustling world we live in today, the answers to the hardest questions are becoming just as hard to find. Questions big and small bounce in this never ending and confusing spherical place we call home. But while people dive millions of miles into the depths of the oceans or the abyss of history to search for answers, I find meaning and elation in the smallest of things. When I need a solution to a problem, I resort back a decade to my pre-kinder age and find knowledge in words that are usually overlooked. Among a collage of colorful pictures of a wacky world, a wise man once said "A person's a person, no matter how small".

In just eight words, Dr. Seuss would seed a notion within me that would shape me to be the open minded person I am today. His words shined light on an issue that we even face today: inequality. For many years we have battled between what's right and wrong and freedom for all but have yet to overcome inequality within a world filled with people who are all just the same. So at a young age, my acceptance of others bloomed into a robust and challenging personal quality of being open minded and respectful of others. Young enough to barely know my own age, I never knew the difference between black and white, gay or straight, all I saw was a person with dreams and aspirations. My mind filtered through the outer shell of a person and searched for the good, the ultimate sign of a person worthy of friendship, not the color of their skin.

My personal quality in a sense works in opposite ways to make me proud. To be open minded is a quality that I believe everyone should behold but unfortunately do not. It works as a paradox in respect to others' beliefs and perspectives and how we should all accept the differences with limitations to one's safety. But being open minded makes me proud to be an example of someone who is accepting of a person regardless of their creed, skin color, or orientation; someone who breaks through superficial barriers and dig into what's important because "a person's a person, no matter how small".

So long

Sorryyy!!! Its 8essays total

Talking about reading is a bit of a cliched topic, and you didn't dig very deep into why you loved reading so much, the kinds of things you read, what you've written, or what your parents did for you (I wouldn't call reading to your child every night "daunting"), but you definitely answered the prompt.


I like it! It's much more specific, and is an original take on what could have been a cliched topic.


This is an interesting one; I feel like many people would have gone straight to discrimination, but this is an everyday example that so many people can relate to, and you did a good job of presenting it!


I saw your short-term goals as more of long-term goals, and I think they were looking for you to get more specific, like what were you planning on majoring in in college, or what do you want to do for a career?


Another original take on the prompt, although I had a little difficulty connecting your willingness to help your grandfather with leading people. I wish I had seen the goals in #5 in #4, but by itself, I really like this essay...


I like this one! Nice descriptions at the beginning, and the lessons you learned were very unique.


Though this was well-written, I wish you had written more about the knowledge or skills part. Unless you had meant that you learned to relax and appreciate nature, which wasn't clearly stated.


Creatively written! But an example of your open-mindedness would have been nice.

Overall, I'm sure you'll be fine. Almost every essay is refreshing in that it presents a piece of you in a refreshing way, and your essays were interesting to read. Best of luck!