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'enigmatic aspect of the universe' - Georgetown essay


ps214 1 / -  
Nov 2, 2011   #1
Provide honest feedback please -

Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you.

Every day, at 11:53, I walk into a combined classroom decorated with long, back tables, which contrast against pale white walls. Welcome to IB Physics HL 2. The class consists of eight students, all males (except for me), and a series of tedious lectures on kinematics and Max Plank's constant. I usually begin class with a deep breath, bracing myself for a confusing lecture or an impossible problem. This is when my physics teacher will look over to me, and say, "There are more atoms in a single breath than there have been seconds in the entire universe." The first time I heard this statement, I didn't think much about it; to be honest, I was just thankful that there wasn't a quiz. It wasn't until later that I began to actually think about the true meaning of this statement. The number of seconds in the universe is somewhere around the magnitude of 1017 seconds. Can there really be more atoms in a single breath than seconds in the entire universe? This thought intrigued me, and I started reading books like Stephen Hawking's The Universe in a Nutshell and A Brief History of Time. Since then, thoughts of the metaphysical including space-time, our vast cosmos, and the philosophy of existence have intrigued me. It seems almost contradictory that despite our grandest achievements in almost every area of knowledge, we still are still unable to answer the most fundamental questions of all time: Where did we come from ? What is our purpose?

Ever since, I've spent countless hours reading and researching to find the answers. Relying on instinct, I immediately turned to religion in hopes of finding an explanation. I was told that the purpose of life was to do good for others. This was not the answer I was looking for- I wanted something more concrete. Unsatisfied, I resorted to science. I brought up the topic of The String Theory in my Physics class, but was disappointed to find out that neither my teacher nor my classmates knew about this theory. As I started doing research independently I came across many theories including Abiogenesis, Clay Theory, and the Lipid Word! Ultimately, in my pursuit of knowledge I realized that the answer is that we do not have the answer. This very enigmatic aspect of the universe is what inspires me the most. Knowing that there are so many ideas, concepts, and theories that are bigger and better than anything I can ever imagine is what gives me the drive to push forward and gain knowledge so that maybe one day I won't seem so small in comparison to the mysteries that surround me.
PrinnyS04 2 / 4  
Nov 2, 2011   #2
Hello! Georgetown... I live in DC and hopefully you will love it as much as I have. Be forewarned, this is a personal essay and my reply is frank. The goal is to get you to narrow what is already a broad a prompt. It's the internet, but I'm not hoping to be mean, so try not to take anything too personally.

The impression, the gut feeling I get is that the writer is a combination of either passionate or obsessive, pessimistic or humble, ambitious or rash and prideful or meek. Sure, we are capable of being any of those things, but I am not getting the essence of who you are, and if I am, then you may consider toning down (just a little) the disdain/anxiety over tests in the beginning and trying to capture the more positive dichotomies I've listed. Possibly, the word count is what makes the tone seem abrupt, but I guess it's something to work on.

I also do not know what is so impressive about "1017 seconds". Is there supposed to be a superscript?

Although Georgetown is a Catholic/Jesuit university (now under lay leadership), I'm not entirely sure including the religion part is necessary, as it's described somewhat naively, but maybe that was the attitude with which you approached whoever you approached? Also, the part about "dissatisfaction" and wanting something "concrete" needs more explanation. (Ironic, since I just told you to nix it) What would satisfy you about knowing the answers to those two questions? Aside from a spiritual purpose, what could the reason of humanity be? Answering this could provide a much better picture of who you are.

I like that you do demonstrate a willingness to consider multiple sources, although I am not sure if you should give away your conclusion ("we do not have the answer") or maybe you could phrase it differently somehow...so it's even more open-ended maybe?

Your last sentence is certainly "ambitious" but take it apart. Do you think knowledge will really catapult anyone above the fascination surrounding the unknown or unknowable?

As an aside, what religion did you look at that provided such a cute answer?

Good luck!


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