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'enjoy working with others' - Why Uchicago?


tehfunkicookie 19 / 50  
Jan 1, 2012   #1
Hey guys. So i tried my best for this answer. Please help me grade it and read it =)! I'll return the favor. I'm turning this in soon and I need it fixed. Be as hard as you like =)

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.

Whether it would be schoolwork or fun competitions, I always love and enjoy working with others because when I work collaboratively, I not only feel a sense of belonging but also a stronger sense of success. I learn more when I work together with others than by myself; as a result, what attracted me to applying for University of Chicago was its unity. Through UChicago's tight and welcoming community, I get the feeling of "I am here at a second home". Having over 400 student organizations and surrounded by a beautiful city, this large but close community will allow me to study efficiently while having fun at the same time. From music groups to intense debate teams, I feel that I can expand my love for working with others while exposing myself to new cultures. Being like a family, everyone can work with and help each other seek their own unique talents while working individually on unique engineering projects. I believe that this style of community would help me flourish both personally and intellectually and allow me to increase and improve my communicational and leadership skills that will benefit me greatly in my future jobs.
lch920619x 5 / 19  
Jan 1, 2012   #2
I am not a good English speaker so some of my advice may be wrong. :/

I not only feel a sense of belonging

I feel not only a sense of belonging ?

I learn more when I work together with othersthan by myself

I get the feeling of "I am here at a second home"

what about I feel at home? It saves your word count

I believe that this style of community would help me flourish both personally and intellectually and allow me to increase and improve my communicational and leadership skills that will benefit me greatly in my future jobs.

Really a long sentence, maybe break it up.

Will appreciate if you check my MIT essay
hello810 1 / 1  
Jan 1, 2012   #3
"everyone can work with and help each other seek their own unique talents while working individually on unique engineering projects."

I think it should be "everyone can work together"
and "help each other seek his/her own unique talents"

I think your essay overall, is fine.
elephant1 2 / 16  
Jan 2, 2012   #4
I think this is a great essay. You talk about lots of specific parts about the school without making it sound like you are just listing facts.

Good luck!

Help with mine?


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