Hello All, I have a BU supplement that I have to submit before 12 am so I can make the deadline. I would like help editing my essay. Thank you and have a wonderful evening!
The question is:
Essay #1: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.
I have 661 words and I am under 4000 characters.
It has been a tough choice to pick only three adjectives to describe me as Ashraf Ali. There is much to talk about that it is nearly impossible to fit in this essay. Nonetheless, here are three of my favorite adjectives; I am enthusiastic, creative and open-minded. Out of the three adjectives, the characteristic that I am most proud to have is enthusiasm. Without enthusiasm everything will be boring. I do not mean to be vague by saying "everything" but it looks and sounds boring when nobody shows interest in their activities.
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Thank you!
I am enthusiastic about what I love doing, helping others.
I think you could word this better, e.g.My enthusiasm shows in my passion of helping others.
Since I was a young boy, I have always helped my mother around the house and the same applies to school. This is very unclear. You're going to help your mother around school too?
Another example of my enthusiasm would be in my last class of the day. Typically, others do not seem interested because they would like to leave as soon as it is time for dismissal. I always raise my hand because the class is interesting and I always participate when my teacher asks for volunteers when he would like us to do a human model of the circulatory system, digestive system and the respiratory system. I, myself, love this type of learning because of the hands-on experience that is involved.
I think you should change this to past tense. It's a story right, not a hypothetical situation?
Not only I am enthusiastic but I am also curious;. I am curious because I love to explore.
Having an open mind consists of having patience and acceptance of all opinions no matter how different it is to yours ;. Bb eing a tolerant person respects another's feelings.
Watch your verb tenses and sentence structure! Good luck!
It has been a tough choice to pick only three adjectives to describe me as Ashraf Ali. There is much to talk about that it is nearly impossible to fit in this essay.[you could probs remove this, its just filler] Nonetheless, here are three of my favorite adjectives; I am enthusiastic, creative and open-minded. Out of the three adjectives, the characteristic that I am most proud to have[of] is enthusiasm. Without enthusiasm everything will be[seems] boring. I do not mean to be vague by saying "everything" but it looks and sounds boring when nobody shows interest in their activities. And who said curiosity killed the cat? I am a very curious person who LOVES to find and learn new ideas. My curiosity leads me to being open-minded. One should be open-minded and be willing to listen to anything and accept everyone's opinions because they are entitled to speak their mind. When one is closed-minded, the other would get a signal which would translate into "Your opinion does not matter to me." My qualities will, with no doubt, enlighten any community because these are some features everyone should have.[i dunno about this part, not to sound rude, but it sounds a bit narcissistic since you're saying everyone should be like that]
I am enthusiastic about what I love doing,: helping others. Since I was a young boy, I have always helped my mother around the house and the same applies to school. On a certain day, I was asked by my school's administrative assistant to obtain[i think maybe bring would work better here?] any mail from the first floor all the way up to the fourth floor of the building (where our school is located). I told her, "Sure, no problem!" The next day, I went up to her and asked her if she would like me to bring the mail upstairs and I plan to continue doing this until I graduate! Another example of my enthusiasm would be in my last class of the day. Typically, others do not seem interested because they would like to leave as soon as it is time for dismissal. I always raise my hand because the class is interesting and I always participate when my teacher asks for volunteers when he would like us to do a human model of the circulatory system, digestive system and the respiratory system. I, myself, love this type of learning because of the hands-on experience that is involved. Enthusiasm is what keeps my blood flowing![haha nice.]
Not only I am enthusiastic but I am also curious. I am curious because I love to explore. This year I am traveling to two foreign countries: Guatemala in February and Italy in late March, which is my senior trip . These are two incredibly exciting learning opportunities because it would be my first time visiting these countries. I would be able to test my wonderful Spanish speaking proficiency in Guatemala and I would learn more about Rome because my Latin teachers relate to Roman history in their lessons. I always keep in mind that learning is more fun outside of the classroom and curiosity goes a long way. I always ask questions if I am confused or would like to know more about the topic.
I am an open-minded person who takes people's best interests at heart. Having an open mind consists of having patience and acceptance of all opinions no matter how different it is to[from] your [own] . BeingA tolerant person respects another's feelings, but you cannot always agree with everything that people say. To value another's opinion and avoid any further conflict, I agree to disagree. There is no need for one to get angry when another states their opinion. My belief is conflict can be avoided when people are perceptive.
I would like to conclude that enthusiasm and curiosity isare the engines of discovery because we all can learn much when we possess these qualities. One should also be open-minded to maintain respect and avoid drama. I will continue to use these qualities and contribute to any community that I may become part of because I know that these qualities will unite people and keep them separated . [Confused about the last bit, uniting people AND keeping them separate?]
these are just suggestions. good luck!
Thank you very much! I have edited this paragraph with your corrections, are there still any errors that I need to fix?
My enthusiasm shows in my passion of helping others. Since I was a young boy, I have always helped my mother around the house and my ardor for helping others also applies in school. On a certain day, I was asked by my school's administrative assistant to obtain any mail from the first floor all the way up to the fourth floor of the building (where our school is located). I told her, "Sure, no problem!" The next day, I went up to her and asked her if she would like me to bring the mail upstairs and I plan to continue doing this until I graduate! Another example of my enthusiasm would be in my last class of the day. Typically, others do not seem interested because they would like to leave as soon as it is time for dismissal. I always raised my hand because the class was interesting and I always participated when my teacher asked for volunteers when he wanted us to do a human model of the circulatory system, digestive system and the respiratory system. I, myself, love this type of learning because of the hands-on experience that is involved. Enthusiasm is what keeps my blood flowing!
small typo with last sentence, I meant not keep them separated.
You all have been a great help. Thank you all and good night!
