Hi, I've just came across this website a few minutes ago. My deadline is actually midnight Hong Kong time. I'm in need of urgent help to critique my personal statement (terms of its structure, grammar error, length and what to cut out and to keep). So sorry for the urgency. But please help me if you don't mind, it will mean a lot to me and I'd really appreciate all your help. Thank you!
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Entrepreneurship and businesses were not something I had in mind to pursue as a career when I was a child. I told myself I am not creative enough and I will not know how to get to the top of the business game like other successful businessmen and women. However, all of these changed as I took the Year 12 Australian Matriculation last year. Even until then I refused to give in to subjects related to business, how? I refused to take Economics even when I ran out of subject to choose from for my course. I've decided to stick back to sciences and it has proven to somehow be a good decision as I finally realized that science is not my cup of tea. I later changed my Chemistry subject to Economics. It was the best decision I had ever made. Till then did I know I had this hidden interest for the ever evolving business world and the exciting financial world of international trade.
Born and raised in Malaysia, a multi-racial country I am very proud of my strong cultural background and my close friendships with friends who are of different culture and descents both locally and internationally. Being a Malaysian, the need to understand and to tolerate the different culture existing is important and I am really proud to have those quality in me which has helped to form part of my self-identity and also as a Malaysian. Thus at the same time, it allows me to bring to the HKUST society these qualities that I value immensely and be able to contribute to the growing diverse culture in HKUST. Being able to have developed understanding skills, it will help in my course to analyze different international business cases and problems and to make new friends.
(I'm having problem with this part as I'm trying to tell them what I can contribute but I'm not sure how I can relate my skills to the course I wish to study)
Besides that, I am also very active in sports as I enjoy playing squash and badminton very much. As they are both physically and mentally demanding, I have developed skills to think and react spontaneously in a short time. Being on the Prefectorial board for two years and as a committee member of the Taekwondo club had given me the chance to learn new leadership skills and to be a better team player. One of the roles of a prefect is to be the role model to other students and I had learnt to be humble and not to abuse my power nor to be too proud of myself. Teamwork is important in both of these activities, in Taekwondo we are to be identified as a team especially when we have team 'poomsae' (pattern) competitions. As I am a red belt senior, I was given the chance to help and teach my younger juniors especially the beginners. Besides that, my time on both the taekwondo and textbook loan scheme (SPBT) committee board as gym committee and information technology (ICT) had taught me to be well organized and it has really strengthened my ability to work in a team. As a gym committee I am to be responsible for the care and management recordings of the taekwondo gym equipment. The same goes for the SPBT board, as I was incharged of data entry, filing and management recordings of the textbooks borrowers. I really liked what I had been assigned and had thoroughly enjoyed completing the tasks assigned to me.
The idea to be accepted in to the Global Business program in the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology (HKUST) came in late February, where I had travelled to Hong Kong and southeast China previously for recreational purposes. During this trip I seriously began to think about what I want to do with my life. As my friends were all preparing for university, I was one of the few who was still confused and didn't know what to do after year 12. The trip was an eye-opener for me as a young adult and a visitor; it has also made me fall in love with Hong Kong because of its vibrant and face-paced characteristics and the people who are not afraid to be straightforward, outspoken and to be heard. The hustle and bustle during rush hours was a great sight and the crowd is, in my opinion very tempting to be in.
I learnt to become much more outspoken in public and to not hesitate in asking for help and questions, this is because I am a Chinese who do not read the Chinese language. This form part of the reason why I had decided HKUST would be the ideal place to study, because I would have the chance to come in contact and study the Chinese language (Putonghua) at a beginner level but also be able to use it in my daily communication like reading and speaking. The trip got me thinking about my interest and passion for economics and my dream job - working for IKEA, the giant retail furniture company as the Regional Manager and maybe slowly to a higher executive position. This dream job was harbored on a trip to IKEA with my friend during the Christmas season. It was amazing to see how the customer services and the workers handle their jobs and the customers who were looking satisfied at the check-out counter caused me to think about managing businesses like this and the huge responsibility faced by the top executives began to seem challenging and yet so interestingly tempting for me to be part of it.
The global business program would be the one and it would be a great start to kick off my dream. It would give me the opportunity to learn about the global business environment, international trade and operation management as well as picking up another foreign language like German, which would come in handy as a global business student considering Germany is the second largest exporter in the world after China and one of the most economically powerful countries in Europe. Besides all this is the experience I would gain in HKUST. The scope of hands-on program, like the international exchange program, business case competitions and the impressive list of internships available to students together with the teachings of highly distinguished professors locally and abroad who are involve in researches in their discipline is overwhelming and useful which will be beneficial to students. Hence, these would provide me with a wholesome education needed for me to face the challenging and competitive world today.
Another reason why I wanted to pursue this degree is because of the ever expanding businesses onto international level. With globalization becoming the path maker for these multinational companies and the much liberated of trade policies in partnering countries especially those of advanced and developing countries; global business seems to be the right place to be in, especially in Hong Kong as Asia's leading business hub and also undoubtedly, the gateway to China's surging economy. But with the recent 2008 recession, and as unemployment rate is still high in the West, reformations are on their way to rebuild the economy thus, making it much more challenging with interdepency and yet, is interesting and exciting to look forward to.
Looking back at my previous year 12 results, I can't help but be disappointed for I know I could have done better and I was confident that I would, apparently I was wrong. I am not blaming anyone else but myself, I guess not knowing where one would want to go and what dream one wants to chase makes it harder to believe that one can do better. Maybe if I were to realize what I have realized now it would change the way how my results turned out. What had passed had passed and I am letting it go for I know there will be better things in front of me along with God's help.
I'm sorry no one helped before your deadline! I hope you have a lot of success with this. I'll give you an idea about EFFICIENCY. Do not unnecessarily tax the reader's mind. Instead, keep everything simple without a lot of distracting details:
Entrepreneurship and businesses were not subjects I had in mind when I was a child. I told myself I was not creative enough and would not know how to get to the top of the business game like other successful men and women.
However, all of these changed as I took the Year 12 Australian Matriculation last year. Even until then I refused to give in to subjects related to business, how? I refused to take Economics even when I ran out of subject to choose from for my course.
Another reason why I wanted to pursue this degree is...
semi-colon:
I am not blaming anyone else but myself; I guess not knowing where one would want to go and what dream one wants to chase makes it harder ...
This will be successful. It has refreshing honesty and enthusiasm. I think you should be confident!
