Well I started a thread just like this but I can't find it I searched all over the site so Im re posting it :)
Prompt: How has your family history/ environment influenced who you are (give examples of challenges that have made you a better person)
Well Im not having to much of a problem writing about my environment but I am having trouble writing about challenges. I spent a lot of time thinking of challenges that have made me a better person and I've come up with two things: My father suffers from leukemia and I lost my brother to gunfire two years ago. Is this is what the admissions is looking for or should I write about something else. If so, can someone give me examples of what their looking for?
Also, I'm afraid if I talk about my father that would take up the whole essay and I would be writing off topic. (Is writing about a person that inspires you off-topic?)
PS: I live in a very calm and peaceful environment and I was going to write about that as well, would that be fine?
Losing a brother to gunfire doesn't sound like a "very calm and peaceful environment." Even if the fatal event occurred elsewhere, it must have punctured the tranquility of the household. If so, that would be an appropriate theme: your experience with that and how it affected you.
Challenges can be big or small and need not be traumatic. The key is for you to show that you have some capacity for self-reflection, that you are able to look at your family history and environment (including any challenges you have faced) and say how this influenced you. We can help you with the writing, but you have to do the reflection yourself.
Both of the incidents you mention are original, personal, and likely to be much more interesting topics than those written on by your competitors. However, Simone is right -- we can't give you very detailed advice until you have at least a first draft for us to work with.
Thanks Im going to post a draft
Environment essay please help
Prompt: How has your family history/Envirement influence who you are (give examples of Challenges that have made you a better person)
Well my essay is really choppy 0_0 Im having a hard time makeing it flow. and does my essay go well with the prompt?
-Thanks in advance what you guys do here is great:)
Do re mi, Skip-scat, Skoodle-dee-doo, no matter how you put it the sound of music is what I wake up to every day. I always used to think it was a bad thing. My family's loud music and boisterous laughter could be heard across the neighborhood. This was always something I constantly found myself being embarrassed about. I used to complain about never having enough space for myself, having to share things I felt belonged to me and always having to fight for things a normal kid should never have to fight for. Eventually I began to realize that having a big family is truly a blessing.
Being the fourth child of seven children I'm set in the perfect place to learn. I am given the privilege to learn from the mistakes of others and I am also forced to remain a positive role model for my younger brothers and sisters. When growing up in a large family it is hard for your voice to be heard. This once irritating factor has provided me with the drive to fight for what I believe in. Each member of my family has made a profound effect on who I am. Their personal talents have taught me different ways to view creativity. I have been taught to never limit my mind and always think outside of the box. "Your mind only takes you as far as you will allow it to", my father always told me. With this is mind I am always open to try something new.
My father, who is a living inspiration to me, has made a large impact on my life. His way of viewing life continues to astound me every day. Despite being a victim of the deadly cancer leukemia, he continues to live life with a positive attitude. One thing that he has taught me is to never view my glass as half empty, but as half full. I have learned to appreciate the delicate life that I have no matter what problems may come my way. I have not only learned to be care for my life but the lives of others. My parents have done their best to mold me into whom I am today. My brothers and sisters diverse personality and my father's inspiration have made me stronger. Without them I probably wouldn't be the extroverted young lady I am today.
This essay starts off very strong but then fades and fizzles at the end. What's great about the beginning is that it's lively, detailed, and specific. What's wrong with the last paragraph is that it's vague and therefore lifeless. The penultimate paragraph is in between. Work on bringing the spirit and specificity of the first paragraph to the paragraphs that follow.
Great start!
Can you unify all three points with a common thread? That would go a long way towards making the essay seem less choppy.
