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"environment design", Cornell transfer- reasons for transferring and objectives


quan 1 / -  
Feb 28, 2010   #1
Hi, everyone
This is my transfer essay for Cornell. Please help me with my English and content. ANY feedback would be greatly appreciated.

prompt: provide a statement (250 words minimum)that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Where would be my ideal college? I began to think about this question after a semester in my current university. Attending a university away from my family, I have learnt much and experienced many new things: I benefited most from growing independent and becoming strong.

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comet2000 10 / 48  
Feb 28, 2010   #2
Where would be my ideal college? I began to think about this question after a semester in my current university. Attending a university away from my family, I have learnt much and experienced many new things: I benefited most from growing independent and becoming strong. I have learnt how to cook, how to do housework, how to manage money, and how to deal with people and matters by myself. Additionally, I have made many friends and joined activities ranging from sports to volunteer. However, I still felt something was lacking, and I had to find the perfect place for me. Reading through the website of Cornell University, I got the answer: what I was seeking is a challenging and competitive learning community, and Cornell would be my ideal place to study.

Two "any"s( any person, any study) and three "open"s( open doors, open hearts and open minds) have impressed me extremely. These five words represent Cornell's commitment to diversity and inclusiveness and the policy of providing endless academic choices. I hold high respect on this. I think Cornell community is really diverse academically and personally. Living and learning in such a community would surely help me grow mature in both personality and learning. I would be proud to become one of them and contribute to it through my aspiration for learning and my unique background of having lived in two countries. Furthermore, the special academic programs of " Co-Operative Research" and " Honors Program"ofin the School of Civil and Environmental Engineering are very challenging for me. They not only stimulate a competitive and motivated atmosphere of learning but also offer students opportunities to combine theory with practice. I love this inspiring environment, which fits my eagerness for knowledge and experience.

Taking a position in government to charge with environment design is my career goal. In my college years, I plan first to enroll rigorous and balanced courses to get background in science and engineering and then engage in hands-on design projects and case studies that provide context and motivation. Since I take a keen interest in solving drinking water problems, I will try to get involved in related projects.

I have decided on Cornell as the next stop of my learning journey. I am confident
that Cornell would educate me into a leading engineer for tomorrow. If admitted I would take greatest advantage of the resources at Cornell and try to become a respected alumni years later.

Comment: I think it's good. Just a few misspell words. I don't think you would need to use quotes for Co-Operative Research and Honors Program.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Mar 1, 2010   #3
However, I still felt something was lacking, and I had to find the perfect place for me.

This makes me wonder what was lacking. It makes me want to know about some realization you had, some new objectives that you want to achieve and can best achieve at Cornell. What is your REAL reason for transferring. Throw in a little authenticity by giving a sentence that realy tells the real reason. Maybe it is simple; maybe you have had a vision that included Cornell for the past few years, and your process if finally about to take you there.

have impressed me extremely . Say this a different way!

also, I think those last two paragraphs seem underdeveloped. How about adding one more sentence to the beginning of each, a new topic sentence?
:-D
Good luck, I think they will like the style of thinking you seem to have.


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