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'the environment I love' - Why NYU? essay question

anshikav 4 / 19  
Dec 11, 2011   #1
could someone read this and correct/edit/revise please?! THANKS

Question: Why NYU?

New York University was an automatic choice for me. I grew up on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, and though we moved away years ago, part of me has never left. I'm in love with the city; it's inspiring, eclectic, and full of opportunity. Attending New York University would put me in the middle of the environment I love, while providing me with the unbeatable education I need. As an artist I'm constantly looking for new ideas, and the multitude of majors and minors offered at NYU would allow me to explore subjects besides visual arts, gain that knowledge, and apply those new concepts to my work. New York University is also full of high-achieving and bright students, and being in a competitive atmosphere would encourage me to push myself to do better than my best. Also, the numerous internship and job opportunities New York has to offer would give me first hand experience in the field, as well a competitive edge over graduates from other smaller schools. Many colleges have the ability to give me an education, but only New York University has the ability to transform me from a high school student, to a well-rounded and experienced career woman. New York University would be the perfect place for me to learn and grow, and I would be honored to get the opportunity to pursue my education here.
Runzy - / 2  
Dec 11, 2011   #2
May be you should include some academic resource that distinguish NYU from others.
trishhha 8 / 23  
Dec 11, 2011   #3
Instead of stating your qualities, illustrate how they will be essential for you at NYU and like Runzy said, maybe you could use specifics about the school itself. Goodluck!
lee235717 - / 16  
Dec 13, 2011   #4
You to be more creative!!!
gkim2719 - / 6  
Dec 13, 2011   #5
I agree with the rest of the comments-as of now, your response needs more depth in 'HOW' you'll use your strong artistic qualities at NYU/what you'll contribute to this school rather that what you like about NYU/why you love the city
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Dec 15, 2011   #6
As an artist, I'm constantly looking for new ideas, and the multitude of majors and minors offered at NYU would allow...

Mauru23 3 / 16  
Dec 29, 2011   #7
Wow.. this is really good! I think you answered the prompt perfectly! Good job!

The only things I could correct would be where you say "I'm in love with the city" You should change it around so that you don't say city twice in that same line, it just sounds repetitive.

Check mine? I revised it.
OP anshikav 4 / 19  
Dec 29, 2011   #8
Thanks! I'll check yours out right now
sailorb111 3 / 9  
Dec 29, 2011   #9
this is very good! i agree with mauru23 completely! you still have about 20 characters so maybe if you want to add anything, simply had some adjectives to spice it up maybe but otherwise its great!

could you check mine as well? thanks!
calvinwang 3 / 32  
Dec 29, 2011   #10
as well as a competitive edge
small typo

churning of new ideas , ethnicities, beliefs and thoughts
I feel like their really really similar words and a bit redundent in the same sentence, but ur choice :P

only New York University has the ability tocan transform me
has the same meaning but less characters

overall its rly good. good luck on NYU. i applied there too :o

check mine out too. i rly need help D:

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