Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
She hated me. In the realm of reason of a ten-year-old girl, I thought my mom hated me. I wished that I was born into another family in another country.
Even though young, I discovered that life is unfair. It was unfair that I was born in the poverty-stricken Cambodia. It was unfair that I was born into a financially better-off family, but still lived an ordinary life.
My family's way of life greatly mystified me. I never understood why my family tried to minimize spending when we had more than enough money and why I had the same things as my poorer classmate. I should have more and better things than they. After all, the point of having more money than everyone else is having better things then they do, right?
My clothing consisted of no more than ten outfits, some of which were hand-me-downs from my cousin. My toys consisted of a cheap Barbie doll, a set of plastic cooking materials, and a jump rope made of rubber-bands braided together. That was it. That was my childhood.
Additionally what pushed me to think that my mom hated me was that she made donation to the local foster shelter, but she did not give me any allowance. She bought shoes for the foster children, but she refused to buy me an extra pair of boots.
Finally my family moved to the United States when I was twelve years old. I thought it would be a dream-come-true. This is a rich country: everything is abundant. This is where I belonged, but soon enough I found this is not my home.
My new classmates were very different from the old ones. They threw half-eaten food away, while the old ones would finish it no matter what. They threw quarters at each other for fun, while the old ones would be joyous to find one. They dropped their backpacks on the floor, while the old ones would be very careful with them. I was disgusted of my new classmates' wasteful behaviors.
By this time I began to understand what my mom did. She has taught me well. Her lesson has provided me with magical eyes which enable me to see the value and beauty of the objects I acquire, though of little monetary value and physical beauty they might be. I am thankful because if she had not done what she did, I would have fall under the spell of abundance. It would have turned me into a greedy, wasteful, materialistic monster, just like it had done to my new classmates.
Even though everything I have is precious to me, Earth is the most valuable of them all. It belongs to me, and it belongs to everyone, but only a few has the magical eyes. It is up to us to enlighten them the harm they have done to this hidden treasure. It is my responsibility and by being an environmental engineer will give me the perfect tool to tinker a solution with.
Please help me! i know there are a lot of grammar errors b/c i am never a grammar nazi, but more important than that is the context. Do u think this is a good essay? is it boring? please feel free to critique harshly. oh, and i think i really need help on the ending, it's too weak and out of place. thanks. :)
I like your first essay. Your beginning"I thought my mom hated me" attracted as I saw it. And I think your story is pretty suitable for the topic.
Your second essay needs more improvment. You should tell more about who you are, about your characteristics.
All in all, you did great job.
I wished that I was had been born into another family in another country.
Even though young, I discovered that life is unfair. It was unfair that I was had been born in the poverty-stricken Cambodia. It was unfair that I was had been born into a
...as my poorer classmates . I thought I should have more and better
magical eyes ---wow! Everything about this essay impresses me.. Very profound, very interesting to any reader...
It belongs to me, and it belongs to everyone, but only a few has have the magical eyes. It is up to us to enlighten them the harm they have done to this hidden treasure. It is my responsibility and by being an environmental engineer will give me the perfect tool with which to tinker a solution. with .
... but more important than that is the context content. ;-)
Aren't you violating the 250 words word limit. Your essay is almost double the limit.
And help me with this too that can I write 500 words too If my life is too big for 250?
Oh, this is for UCs, u can write more than 250- which is the min.
"because I have affection for the earth." maybe "because I love my planet?" I thought it sounded a bit weird :P
"same stuff" sounds colloquial.
Umm, I think you should reorganize the order of your essay, because the first part (your 10 year old part) sounds really selfish. So maybe talk about your American friends first, then your point of view when you were young.
I hope this helps! Please help mine also~
I like your essay; it's really personal and thought-provoking.
I would suggest you adding more details to your future plan(professional), escalating your emotion-motivated perception of earth protection to a reasonable one. (I am not sure if you understand what I say)
That was how I feel about your essay. I wish my suggestion would help you.
