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'environmental science and planets' - St. Olaf Supplement-Why this college


yf8651 16 / 31  
Jan 11, 2010   #1
Do you think I answer the prompt very well? Please give me some feedback. Grammatical correction is also welcomed.

St. Olaf College is a learning community that draws on the talents and perspectives of students and faculty with a variety of backgrounds and a wide range of interests. What has led you to apply, and how will St. Olaf College help you pursue your passions?

St. Olaf's emphasis on students' global perspective attracts me most. I was reared at an isolated village in China. Shut away in a relatively monotonous environment, I was eager to explore the outside world. Actually, I never stop searching for communities with diversities and global perspective because associating with people of different citizenship, traditions and religions is a precious experience to me. Through my constant efforts and striving, I am now studying in a big city well known for its internationalization. After meeting different people with distinctive background and perspective and after benefiting from those interactions both academically and socially, I feel strongly that I need to better achieve my potential in a college with a broad scope, thus St. Olaf's commitment to world citizens is exactly what I need.

I hope to pursue my career in environmental science. St. Olaf's strength on environmental studies and dedication to sustainability are an irresistible attraction to me. Environmental science in St. Olaf will certainly make me a qualified environmentalist with its combination of broad and focused perspectives on environmental problems and issues. I have been fascinated by the project like Environmental Science in Australia, not only because of the chance to learn more about Australia but also because of the extensive field experiences and strong interdisciplinary focus provided. In St. Olaf, learning experience will be especially enlightening and meaningful for me because of the global perspective in campus. Environmental problem is never something local or regional. It involves different aspects that are related to the whole planet. In this sense, studying and exploring the environmental problem with global perspectives are indispensable and exciting.

...
badromance 1 / 18  
Jan 11, 2010   #2
I was born in an isolated village in China.
As I grew older, I never stop searching for communities ...
Through my constant efforts , I am now studying in ...
After meeting different people with distinctive backgrounds and perspectives and benefiting from these interactions both academically and (...) a college with a broad scope. St. Olaf's c ommitment to world citizens ...

St. Olaf's strengths in environmental studies and dedication to sustainability are admirable .
I have been fascinated by projects like Environmental Science in ...
In St. Olaf, the learning experience will be especially enlightening ...
Environmental problems areneither something local nor regional. . Rather, they involve different aspects that are related to the whole planet. In this sense, studying and exploring the environmental problem with global perspectives are indispensable and exciting.

Environmentalists , as I perceive it, should contribute time and energy to the society and help build a better world. Thus, I hope to make my contributions to the St. Olaf Environmental Coalition (E.C.) through various environmental activities and advocacy. I plan to become a volunteer bike mechanic of the Green Machine Free Bike Program in E.C. I also hope to engage myself in many other activities and programs, from Spread the Hope to Oles for Life, to improve my maturity and global awareness. I desire to a global citizen of St. Olaf College soon.[/quote]

hope that helped. please edit my essays!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 18, 2010   #3
Nice job! I think the quality of the first para is very good, because you start and end with the same idea, and the idea of a global focus is meaningful for the whole essay.

...my potential in a college with a broad scope; thus, St. Olaf's commitment to world citizens is exactly what I need.

Nikita made some great corrections, here! I see she corrected this sentence:

St. Olaf's strength on environmental studies and dedication to sustainability are an irresistible attraction to me. --- she may have changed it because of the rule called "number agreement." You are supposed to write:

St. Olaf's strength on environmental studies and dedication to sustainability are an irresistible attractions to me.
They are plural! :-)

Nikita gave some great ideas...


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