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When I envision my future, I see Lifelong Learning -Transfer Objectives


ARosecamp 1 / -  
Mar 26, 2013   #1
This is for the Common Application Essay "Reasons for transferring and Objectives you hope to achieve" min. 250 max. 500
I am posting what I have, currently 475 words. I've been stressing over this and dissecting it so much, I need another set of eyes to tell me if it is even still on topic at this point!

Any help is greatly appreciated! I know there are lots of basic mistakes, and most likely some larger issues.
Thank you! Love the site!

(background info: I am applying to one local, private college through the common app. Staying local for family reasons, looking at this school for its excellent reputation and tiny class size.)

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When I envision my future, I see lifelong learning. Nelson Mandela once said, "education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world", and I agree that education is an asset that once gained can help to make anything possible. The idea of lifelong learning, of taking lessons from each trial or tribulation in life and by always asking questions, can help ensure your mind will continue to expand, adapt, and bring forth new ideas. I look forward to transferring to a four-year college in order to further my education, to explore new learning opportunities, and to expand my leadership experience.

I have had the opportunity to work under some truly talented and inspiring instructors at the community college I currently attend, and have been inspired to continue my studies at a four-year university. I can only imagine the wealth of knowledge that will be made available to me when immersed in a rich educational atmosphere, with a population of dedicated students, and programs that cater to my interests. I have earned my Associates degree in Sociology, and plan to choose a program through which to achieve first my Bachelors, and then my Master's degree.

I believe that true beauty lies in gaining knowledge, creating new connections, and making new discoveries. I hope to continue to work with new people, share life experiences and reflect upon this world that we all share. I look forward to meeting people from all walks of life and locations, collaborating and creating advancements that can be used to benefit communities worldwide. Continuing on to a university will allow me to grow my knowledge, building on the base of academia I've received and the real-life experiences I've had thus far. I hope to branch out by working on projects that take me out of the classroom and into real-world situations, either by conducting research studies, working with existing non-profit or political organizations, or some combination of these types of work.

Some of the most meaningful experiences I've had as a college student have stemmed from my involvement with student leadership. These are tools that have, and will continue to, carry into every other aspect of my life. There is a new sense of confidence and responsibility. There is a new understanding of being a conscientious leader, passionate in my work and a dedicated representative. I aspire become a leader that people are comfortable coming to with their problems and feel confident that I will work tirelessly to find solutions, whether in my school or in my community.

I look excitedly toward the next leg of my journey. I do not yet know exactly how these passions will shape my future, however I do know that continuing my formal education will enable me to succeed in my chosen profession, and ultimately pursue my goal of lifelong learning.

temptprovidence 8 / 163 35  
Mar 27, 2013   #2
I look forward to transferring to a four-year college

....to a four year collegecourse

I have had the opportunity to work under some truly talented and inspiring instructors at the community college I currently attend

you used "i have had ".. so it would be "attended.".

These are tools that have, and will continue to...

These are the tools that have, and will continue to....

yes you went evenly through but i see the major issue that is disturbing you is the length. you firstly discussed too much about the students who will accompany you. shorten that down to one sentence. you can look for other such where you have used more than two sentences for one point. cut that down. i see your writing is perfect so you can review it yourself to bring that off to perfection.

BEST OF LUCK :)


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