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"ephemeral" - Favorite word essay -UVA 250 words


RyanVi16 12 / 91  
Nov 14, 2010   #1
I took a different approach to the essay, do you think it will work? Is it too unclear about what is my favorite word? I tried my best too reveal as much info as possible without changing the writing style.

And I absolutely hate the ending. Please help me improve it. Thank you :)

Dear Mother,
Do not tell me that you will love me always, because such word does not exist. For eternity, I have been waiting for the everlasting to come, but I see nothing, just empty promises. Your ephemeral passion is like a fire in a vacant room, like a vortex that sucked away my every hope that one day you will change. You told me that everything in this world will fade away, just like my ephemeral dreams have long gone. I was foolish not to grasp on the reality that you, will not change.

It took me years to realize that what I have always believe in will disappear, just like your love. You left me to chase after your delusion, to chase after the land of opportunity. You took away everything, but left one lie, the fabrication that haunted my dream like a ghost: "One day you will understand".

Did you know my best friend Jimmy passed away? Yes, I was the last one to see him, the last one to watch his suffering, the last one to witness him shatter our ephemeral friendship.

Do not be angry at me for my pessimistic perspective about the world. Because for ten years that you abandon Father and I to go to America, I have learned that sorrow is also momentary. We were homeless. We were hungry and thirsty. However, the darkness had fled away. We have won over our fate.

I cannot wait for the day to tell you that "ephemeral" is not always negative. It taught me how to be a person in the world that full of irony.

Your son.
Baeringer 1 / 11  
Nov 14, 2010   #2
Is the word ephemeral? Haha, it is most important that the word can be identified! I like this take on the essay. I think the acceptance of this take on the essay will depend on which college you are trying to use it for!
OP RyanVi16 12 / 91  
Nov 14, 2010   #3
Yes it is! I didn't want to tell you the word in my comment since that will make people don't think about what i am trying to say. And this is for University of Virginia fyi.

Thank you for your comment, do I have any grammar problem, I think i can play around with the word count (+-) 20 words
albicelestes - / 4  
Nov 14, 2010   #4
ephemeral is a good and useful word. really like your essay!
Baeringer 1 / 11  
Nov 14, 2010   #5
I would say grammar wise you might want to consider using " ; " or some other convention besides commas to link these two ideas :

"Your ephemeral passion is like a fire in a vacant room, like a vortex that sucked away my every hope that one day you will change."

TWO OPTIONS:

1)"Your ephemeral passion is like a fire in a vacant room or a vortex that sucked away my every hope that one day you will change."

2) "Your ephemeral passion is like a fire in a vacant room; a vortex that sucked away my every hope that one day you will change."
Benn_Myers 8 / 46  
Nov 14, 2010   #6
This essay is good, but extremely negative. I wouldn't use it for an application since admissions officers tend to look for positive essays, and while your essay ends on a more positive note, it is still pretty negative overall.

Not sure about the letter format, its certainly intriguing and could work very well to set you apart. I'd consult a school counselor or someone who is familiar with such things.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 25, 2010   #7
Do not tell me that you will love me always, because such word does not exist.

At the end of this first sentence, I am wondering what word you are talking about. Love or always.
Maybe the word always should not be included in the sentence, because that way it would be clear right away that you were talking about the word love.

Oh... nevermind, I see that always was the operative word. Maybe you should do this:
Do not tell me that you will love me "always," because such word does not exist.

Yet, it is not quite right to say the word does not exist. You can say, "such a word does not signify anything real."

As I continue to read... this is powerful writing! Here is some grammar stuff:
Because for ten years after that you abandoned Father and me I to go to America, I have learned that sorrow is also momentary.

Great use of brevity here: We were homeless. We were hungry and thirsty.

However, the darkness had fled away. We have...

:-) Thanks for posting this!
grillojes 6 / 17  
Nov 25, 2010   #8
Another suggestion for the first sentence: "Do not tell me that you will love me forever - there's no such thing" or some variation of that.


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