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(The Episcopal High School's soccer) - Penn Supplement Essay


maybeAhoya 3 / 5  
Dec 23, 2011   #1
Required for all applicants: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words.

The Episcopal High School's soccer program is a newly-born tradition in itself. Domination in the highly competitive Interscholastic Athletic Conference (IAC), three Virginia Division I championships in the last four year, and ten NCAA Division I soccer players bred since my years here hold a testament to not only the current strength of the program, but also the confirmation of our continued success in the future. Episcopal High School was created in 1839 and is the oldest institution of secondary learning in the South. The idea of the honor code that the school was found upon is still regarded as the most crucial principle that holds and propels this tight-knit community together. The honor code is our proud tradition.

Before attending Episcopal, I believe that tradition was expectation. However, after four years spent on what we call the "Holy Hill," I could not have been any more wrong. Tradition is what motivates you. Tradition is what empowers your passion. Tradition is a part of you and your legacy.

In my senior year rivalry soccer game against Woodberry Forest School, I suffered a hip contusion that would leave my right side of the body entirely blue. I jumped for the ball and the opponent unfortunately went for my body as I completely lost my balance and hit the cold mid-November ground. I stayed conscious through all through this as the excruciating pain, in which the trainers later described to my coach, "being hit by a truck," quickly took over my body. Five minutes later, when the tears had just finished drying, I was right back out on the field and finished the game half running cringing with pain and the rest limping with fear of being hit again . I was not expected to finish the match, but rather I aspired to- the tradition gave me the courage to push myself to a high level. Likewise, the strong tradition of the honor code has impassioned my drive for intellectual development by allowing me to be truly proud of my achievement as a student of a prestigious school.

I believe that University of Pennsylvania, throughout its 270 plus years of history, has established the tradition to propel its student to a higher level of learning and social awareness. The countless numbers of volunteering opportunities at Penn embody the principle that Benjamin Franklin exhibited in being the forefather of this tradition- "an inclination...to serve mankind." As part of the Penn Experience, I hope to be ingrained with the selflessness state of mind as well as the capability to serve others in the Philadelphia communities and the communities that I will be part of in the future. Academically, I know that the School of Arts and Sciences can provide me with the skill, knowledge, and fervor to be proud and purposeful of my future achievements. From being part of Penn's hallowed tradition, I want to leave a legacy in Philadelphia that empowers and motivates the future students' life at Penn.


A couple things:
1. I doubting myself if I am writing about my school too much.
2. I don't have a lot of specific knowledge about Penn, ergo general advantages stated.
3. Grammar/Spelling/Wording mistakes![/b]
cicy1994 3 / 10  
Dec 23, 2011   #2
I don't think you should write about your past so much! Focus on the future and answer the question: what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community?

And if you dont have a lot of specific knowledge about Penn, you should do some more research online. You don't want the essay to be too general.

Other than that, your writing flows really nicely!


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