Stanford student are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.
They strut with lure, speak with charm, and love with passion; girls. Naturally, these possessors of natural elegance are the subjects of every teenage boy conversation and thought. Lately, I've been thinking about why girls think the way they do. Why do girls feel attracted to the high school jock? Through my daily interactions, I began to realize the nature of thought and intelligence in girls. With a copy of Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" and my friends' honest opinion, I have developed a deeper understanding of how female psyche works.
Speaking with my female friends I learned that, at some point in their lives, they wanted to be a princess. Bewildered at their response, I sought for an explanation in Stanford's Encyclopedia of Philosophy. There, I found the branch of philosophy that studies the nature of knowledge, Epistemology. I began to understand that almost immediately after birth; girls are inundated with advertisements and customs that dictate their development. The perfect girl, by society's standards, is found in billboards, television ads, and movies. I thought that most parents guarded their children from such advertisements, until I watched Disney's "Beauty and the Beast". Children's movies have a more profound effect in girls' psychological development and are immune to a parents' radar. My friend, Nancy, confessed that she watched "Beauty and the Beast" multiple times in her toddler years making Belle her idol. Upon analyzing the film, I found that Belle is depicted as a slim, fair skinned, attractive woman with long eyelashes who is at the mercy of a monster. The message that this film, intentionally or unintentionally, delivers is that girls should endure the harsh treatment of men, in hopes of finding something noble in the end.
No wonder girls go for jocks. They have been hardwired into doing so. Studying how the human mind works fascinates me, and I find new insight with every person I encounter. Epistemology might not be quantum mechanics, but it certainly takes great thought to understand how the complex mind works.
XD Actually, at first, when I read the first line, I was like what? This essay must be about something completely trivial - talking about girls? Is it going to be like that essay that started with the kissing again (which actually turned out to be pretty good) and interestingly enough, yours ended up that way too. I was pretty interested in the whole thing. I liked how you connected the two together although I did raise my eyebrows when you said you referred to the Stanford encyclopedia for the research on girls and philosophy. I don't see any huge grammar or idea mistakes so overall, great job!
Oh, and this is another line where I went really? you sure that's not just you?
"Naturally, these possessors of natural elegance are the subjects of every teenage boy conversation and thought."
I actually really enjoyed this essay, although there were a few lines I was not too convinced about.
i think you should take out, or change the sentence about the Stanford's Encyclopedia of Philosophy . even though it might be true, it sounds kind of strange given that you are applying to Stanford.
also, i got the feeling that you were including all girls when talking about how they are attracted to jocks, which isn't always true. the first thing i thought about when i read you essay was... wait a minute! i'm not attracted to jocks and tough guys... so just remember that the admission officer might think the same way.
anyway, overall i really liked your essay; it was very original, and i have very lottle to say about it.
good luck!!
would you mind checking my essay out?? Thank you
Thank you for the feed back Zhuang Jieyi and Melissa Tojo. I agree with you guys, i was even hesitating to post it up because it might insult someone. Just to let you guys know I decided to write about something else. I don't even think I am answering the prompt correctly, and I don't think i want to risk it. :D Please check my threads to take a look at it. I'll be posting it up on a bit.
Ofcourse Melissa :)
you are definetely answering the question but i agree with mel77
don't generalize and use all girls
instead say "why do many girls feel attracted to the high school jock"
a huge thing that I noticed is that epistemology is the theory of knowledge; how we learn. Its not necessarily a concept involved in psychology which is the focus of your essay (even if you wanted it to be philosophy). epistemology is associated with different ways of knowing-reason, emotion, sense perception, language- not brain functions. i think the concept you are looking for is more priming or subliminal not epistemology
