My Escape
Looking at my classmates showing their presentations confidently, frustrations and regret engulfed me. Not being jealous but remorseful, I asked myself" Why give up?"
I tried to recall what caused my failure, but all were in vain.
In the Biology Club I attended in tenth Grade, First-year students needed to do their own research, for the qualification of leading the club next year. Propelled by my strong interest in arranging the club and passion for bird-study, I made up my mind to amaze everyone with my work. For the next two months, I buried myself with dozens of books, eagerly collecting information from Net, making this project my top priority in life, but only to be shocked by the stunning truth.
Time slipping away, it was then I found that I had been lying to myself with my effort. Almost nothing of my work has been done. The significance of this research, deciding my future school life, was such that I hesitated to make the first step. Escaping into the shelter of procrastination seemed the best solution, expecting the countless "Tomorrow" to be my remedy, compromising to the ambition I had. Indulged in the temporary relief, it gradually led me into the depths of despair.
After the presentation, except frustrations, I started to recall the time when preparing the research, what caused me to run away from the challenge? The whole thing was not hard. It just needed a constant endeavor; however, all I did back then was just thinking and planning, never did I really work to make it happen.
Aware of my lack of real practice, I finally resolved to change myself. The loss was such that I swore never would I regret for my passiveness ever again. And this oath has made all the difference.
To make up for my spare time in new semester, I forced myself to seek opportunities in school like voluntary works or sport contests. At first, I was still restrained by my old laziness and passive attitude that the evil in my mind lured me to give in, to escape from the problems. Once again, I hesitated, should I let go and run away, or clench my teeth to overcome.
While in a dilemma, I told myself, "Do it, I may fail; but escape, I won't even get a chance to fail" Because of this naĂŻve belief, I finally learned to grasp the opportunities around me. No longer I lived in fear of failing; instead, I do whatever I can, no matter what result will be. Perhaps I won't succeed, but I knew, I wouldn't regret, and that was all I need to know.
Now I stop pondering the likelihood of succeeding or worrying about the bad results. Before any kinds of "plans" can stop me, I will step out to pursue. Thanks to my Escape, I learned to be courageous and positive towards life. Before, when challenges got near, I ran away, but now, I run towards them.
This is my common app essay, I feel like it is not that deep. It needs a bit more feelings.
Urgently need some advice and feedbacks now!! Be as critique as you can! Thank you!!
The essay is great in terms that it is personal and unique just to you. However, I think it takes a tiny bit too long to get to your point. You should maybe take away some (but not a lot because its great) imagery away and talk more about how it has changed you. Overall very good, and it is pretty deep cause of the personal stuff.
yeah agree... the ending really hit! but about the content, i think it's hard to be read. My first language is not english indeed, but i think your sentences are not arranged in logical way (??)
Example :
After the presentation, except frustrations, I started to recall the time when preparing the research, what caused me to run away from the challenge?
What i read first was 'after the presentation, except frustrations..'. After that i hoped something like 'i don't feel anything..' or such. But i got 'i started to recall..' instead. Frustration is not something to be recalled.
Until now i still didn't get what's the meaning of the sentence. If I rephrase it based on why i interpreted : 'After the presentation, other than frustrated i started to recall...'
By the way, i'm really waiting for the pollished essay. You have the basic skill of advance vocabulary and that should help you make a great essay.
