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"Esmeralda's situation, Mexico" - event, USC ESSAY


DaisyJFran 2 / 5  
Nov 26, 2010   #1
Any feedback? Advice?

PROMPT:USC's speaker series What Matters to Me and Why asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.

I value education, family, and perseverance. I believe everyone has a basic right to a fulfilling life. The struggles my family has been through motivate me to exhaust all my resources. Use any and all my opportunities and resources; that is my creed. This creed that guides my life came into existence one night while talking with my cousin, Esmeralda. After that talk, I learned that what matters the most to me is family, education, and my responsibility to help others within my community. That conversation with my cousin prioritized my values of education, family and motivated me to become a beacon for change.

A conversation I had with my cousin prioritized my values of education, family and perseverance and motivated me to become a source of change. Every summer I spend two months in Mexico with my family. It is a small town where all men farm and all women stay home. This particular summer, I slept over my cousin Esmeralda's house. That night, we began talking about our futures. She talked about how lucky she would be if she could only afford to finish high school; her family was struggling financially. She talked about how she wanted to become a lawyer but would never be able to attend law school. I realized, at that moment, how fortunate I was to have access to an education and the basic necessities of food and shelter. Since then, I have reflected on my life; where I am and what I value. I am aware that if my parents had not succeeded in the U.S. after they migrated here, I would be in her position. This conversation was eye opening and made me realize that I cannot waste my education; I so am blessed to be able to go to school. My education is extremely important because it is an opportunity to live a life my cousin may never have an opportunity for. It would be an insult to her, my family and me if I did not take full advantage of it.

Growing up in the environment I did, being a first generation American and being raised in the Mexican tradition with Mexican values and beliefs, I have developed a different perspective than many of my friends and peers. Although I have a fortunate life, my family never lets me forget that I am privileged. I value education because I know it opens opportunities; I value my ability to persevere and find answers; I value family because I know they are sources of inspiration and motivation. I believe in solidarity.

After so much reflecting, I realize how much I value my family. My parents came to this county without an education and have provided me with everything I have needed and more. I appreciate and understand the value of hard work. My cousin does not believe that money is an obstacle; she works two jobs and is finishing high school. Seeing her persevere formed in me the desire to fight and to overcome any difficulties to prevent me from succeeding. I never allow myself to surrender to obstacles; I fight through. The thought that I could have been in Esmeralda's situation motivates me to work hard and to never be ungrateful for the blessings in my life. It is my responsibility to ensure my family does not struggle unnecessarily. The conversation with my cousin solidified my belief that since I am one of the few in my family to be educated, I must help my family members which are not. Also, I cannot complain about how life is unfair and how I have less than I deserve. I only deserve what I work for. I work for everything I have: my grades, the respect of my peers and my relationships. It is through perseverance and my newfound appreciation for an education that I believe I have a responsibility to use my life to benefit others.

I feel I must I succeed in my life; because I owe it to myself and to everyone around me. As Mark Twain once said, "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
love13love 2 / 3  
Nov 26, 2010   #2
I think you wrote this really well. The quote you added in at the end really helped your topic. I actually didn't catch any spelling or grammar mistakes here. It seems like you edited this a lot. :)

Overall, I think you wrote your essay really well. I don't really see anything you have to change... So I think you're set to go. :)

Good luck with your USC applications :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 9, 2010   #4
Look at how much stronger it will be if you get rid of "I believe"
I believe e Everyone has a basic right to a fulfilling life.

...my life came into existence one night while talking with my cousin, Esmeralda, who shared with me the insight that ________________. (Tell something about the conversation here). After During that talk, I learned ...

A conversation I had with my cousin prioritized my values of education, family and perseverance and motivated me to become a source of change. You are repeating what you already told the reader. However, if you change "A" to "That" you can solve the problem.

My education is extremely important because it is an opportunity to live a life my cousin may never have an opportunity for. ---- what? Well, also it seems that you might want to try to do something to provide her with an opportunity in the future. I'll keep reading to see if you do what I am expecting you to do...

After so much reflecting, I realize how much I value my family. Don't waste any sentences saying what you already said.

I think the essay will be stronger if you end it with a discussion of a field of expertise you can enter and earn a good living and perhaps provide opportunities to the less fortunate people in your family. Instead of just talking about succeeding, talk about how you can turn your opportunity into an opportunity for others, which is really what this is all about.

:-)


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