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"Ethiopian child didn't have the most orthodox introduction to American culture"


roadwarrior17 1 / 4  
Feb 17, 2010   #1
PERSONAL ESSAY
On a separate sheet of paper, write an essay which conveys to the reader a sense of who you are. Possible topics may include, but are not limited to,

experiences which have shaped your life, the circumstances of your upbringing, your most meaningful intellectual achievement, the way you see the world?the
people in it, events great and small, everyday life?or any personal theme which appeals to your imagination. Please remember that we are concerned not only

with the substance of your prose but with your writing style as well. We prefer that you limit yourself to approximately 250-500 words (or 1-2 pages).

As an emigrated five year old Ethiopian child, I didn't have the most orthodox introduction to American culture. But I would like to think that I have since embraced it while maintaining the grander traits and experiences of my former heritage. From the age of two or three (I can still recollect my earliest memories) to this very moment, I have accumulated a multitude of multifarious experiences that have ranged from euphoric to despairing. And regardless of the alignment of the experiences, they have marked me (for better or worse), guided me to this current path, and have helped shape my values and sentiments in regards to all aspects of this world.

In the earlier parts of my formative years, like most children, I was self-centered and oblivious of the world around me. As long as I had dinner on the table, toys on all the customary holidays, and the freedom to engage in all of my idle pursuits (which have ranged from absurd to comical), I was content. It was not until the age of fourteen, I began to dislodge myself from ignorance and egocentricity (I was finally awakening the dormant consciousness which, unbeknownst to me, had been festering from the farms of Addis.)

Now, I have thrown myself into the ranks of the disenchanted and disillusioned, and have traded in my gilded eyes for a less glamorous pair, in the hopes of attaining some clarity and objectivity. (Inspired by muckrakers and humanists of new and old) I now seek to inform my discretion and ignorance so that I might better able achieve understanding and consequently derive solutions.

All in all, I am content with the journey I have embarked on, and if ever the opportunity to choose the "blue pill" comes along again, I shall refuse it and-without missing a beat-gulp down the red. From this influx of knowledge, however, problems have arisen. For one, authentication has proven to be difficult due to either a lack of diligence from myself or investigation on the respective subjects by others.

And this is the reason for this long winded plea. I seek acceptance to a university (hopefully after some travel) that recognizes education as an ends in itself and that has also the capability and willingness to implement it as a means to a goal. From a college education, I hope to foster my mind, garner plentiful fresh and comprehensive views and friendships from both like-minded and divergent people, and ascertain the most prudent and effective course not only to enlighten others but furthermore to overcome those obstacles.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Feb 18, 2010   #2
Some of your essay is hard to follow, but you have an interesting writing style which is great! Here are a few things you might fix or change;

In the earlier parts of my formative years, like most children, I was self-centered and oblivious to the world around me.

It was not until the age of fourteen, that I began to dislodge myself from ignorance and egocentricity. I was finally awakening the dormant consciousness which, unbeknownst to me, had been festering from the farms of Addis.Would you elaborate on this? It sounds like something very interesting!

I now seek to inform my discretion and ignorance so that I might be better able to achieve understanding and consequently, derive solutions.
... as an ends in itself and that has also the capability and willingness to implement it as a means to accomplishing a goal.

... the most prudent and effective course not only to enlighten others but also to overcome those obstacles.
OP roadwarrior17 1 / 4  
Feb 18, 2010   #3
Thank you for taking the time to read and analyze my essay (and i did want to let you know that i had a proofread version which i had forgotten to post) but i did want you to elucidate the parts that were hard to follow and your opinion in regard to an alternate essay which would be more concentrated on what i look forward to studying in college and also future career aspirations (which for the moment is an author).
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 18, 2010   #4
future career aspirations (which for the moment is an author).

Being an author requires you to become a master of some subject matter that is meaningful to you. It does not matter if you want to write fiction or non-fiction; you must focus on mastering subjects that fascinate you. If you do that, and if you read Stephen King's On Writing, you will be ready!

Notice that the publishing industry is changing so much. You can't easily publish books these days. You should learn about Internet marketing in order to open doors of opportunity.

tengoldenrules.com

I shall refuse it and-without missing a beat-gulp down the red. ---- excellent! You are lucky your teachers stimulated your brain to form a sophisticated network for language processing when you were under 10 years old!! By the way you write, I can tell they were excellent teachers! :-)
OP roadwarrior17 1 / 4  
Feb 19, 2010   #5
Which parts were too hard to follow?

Also, should i make any redaction's? (content wise)
OP roadwarrior17 1 / 4  
Feb 25, 2010   #6
can anyone tell me which parts were too hard to follow?

is it too vague?

Since i wrote this essay, it's hard for me to distinguish which sections need clarification.

I thank you all in advance for your input
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 27, 2010   #7
I know what you mean! That's the same with my writing. Please go help some other people with their essays, and link them to this one so they can return the favor!


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