Events that helped shape me and how they relate to Vires, Artes, Mores

Please someone review my Essay - hoping to submit this week and I haven't had a lot of input. Thanks in Advance.

Prompt: The Latin words "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life." The essay should be one page in length (no more than 500 words).

My dad has always told me that the true measure of a person's character is "how they behave when no one's watching. I have tried to use this mantra in my life and I think, in some ways, it exemplifies the Mores value at Florida State University. Everyone is presented with choices in life and sometimes no matter how trivial they seem at the time, they have a profound impact in the direction one takes. I was a skinny 4th grader with thick glasses when I decided to try out for the Pop Warner football team. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I made as I continued my football career through High School.

When I was a freshman, I was cut from the team; that night I was so devastated, I didn't come out of my mother's car for three hours. But this experience taught me a great lesson in life about strength of character, perseverance and pursuing one's goals. The next year I came back, made the team and was voted Defensive player of the year by the coaches. Through the years, I have learned many valuable lessons about strength (of body and mind), character, passion and perseverance on the football field that I have applied in my life.

Beyond football, I have tried to take this same passion and excitement to the classroom as I have always taken on a rigorous course load and have put in the effort needed to be successful. I was really challenged my junior year by a very difficult Algebra II curriculum and demanding teacher. Her class was known to be extremely difficult and some students took this in the summer or switched to different teachers. At the time, I reluctantly accepted help from a tutor and also went to early morning sessions (6am) with my teacher because I had other activities after school. It was a very challenging year and I have to admit sometimes I thought it would be easier to switch classes but in the end I learned more about myself and Algebra by persevering. It turned out to be one of the best classes I have ever taken and one of the best experiences. I love to learn new things and try to bring the same passion toward my academic challenges and the pursuit of knowledge as I do in other areas of my life.

I am excited about going to college and Florida State University is by far and away my first choice. I believe there is a place for me at Florida State, where I can grow and continue in my journey. I would be honored to be selected to attend Florida State University, I will embody the "Vires, Artes, Mores" philosophy as these values in many ways have helped shape me to this point in my life.

By the way, High School, in the first paragraph should not be capitalized

I don't know... this is pretty terrible. When I was a kid, it seemed normal that some people got cut from teams, but I think it is pretty awful to do that to some players... As an adult, I don't think I like to see kids getting emotionally hurt by being cut, and I think maybe it is just as bad to have the winners indulge in the satisfaction of being "better than" others...


It is more impressive to "actively seek" help from a tutor than to "reluctantly accept" it. It is good to get help.

I think this essay is very impressive, and I like the way you focus on vires without mentioning it directly. I'm glad to have a bit of help to offer here:

I would be honored to be selected to attend Florida State University; I will embody the "Vires, Artes, Mores" philosophy, as these values in many ways have helped shape me to this point in my life.-------it was a run on sentence before I added the semi-colon.

I don't really like the last sentence. You should say something more consistent with the main theme of the essay... instead of just saying the 3 virtues helped shape you.