Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

"Everyday I go to school and try to be a good boy" - UC common app/personal statement


nebadezzar 2 / 4  
Aug 2, 2011   #1
Hey guys this is my first draft of one of the questions. I have never written one of these before so i don't know how good it is haha. So hopefully you guys can help me out :D Please be honest and insightful.

1) Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, your community or school - and tell us how this world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Everyday I go to school and try to be a good boy. However, this was not always the case. When I was younger, as little as first grade, I would always be getting into trouble. I attended a public school in Oakland and lets just say I was definitely not a good boy. As a first grader I learned to swear, steal, and even start fights. I was in and out of detention almost every other day and yes, I was in first grade.

Now that I think back, I truly feel that I was throwing away every single opportunity that I was given to acquire a better education. This realization began to soak into my mind once I transferred to Chinese Christian Schools in sixth grade. What I enjoyed most about this school was its overwhelming atmosphere of love and compassion. My world was suddenly was filled with a plethora of teachers and friends who really cared for me and my steps towards higher education. This was the catalyst that got me to perceive the opportunities presented before me in a different light. I no longer viewed school as a waste of time, even though school can be such a bore at times, but rather the opportunity to attend such an institution was a huge blessing, in which I am sincerely grateful for. Throughout my years of middle school and high school, I sought to change my terrible life style of delinquency because it did nothing more than squander the time I had to educate myself at school. I now view school as a treasure trove of valuable opportunities, not just for education. I think it is safe to say I have fully indulged myself in as many of these opportunities as I could, from numerous clubs to multiple sports. School is my world, and it has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. For me, it is an indescribable feeling of thankfulness in knowing that coming to Chinese Christian Schools was what it took to change my mindset from wanting to cause trouble to that of gratitude and appreciation for attending school. However, I have not become a dull school kid. I still enjoy pulling a few pranks every once an awhile, but only for some harmless fun.

Ultimately, the attitude I had for my world of school has had a definite influence on other aspects of my life, including my dreams and aspirations. I am a competitive figure skater and one day I dream to represent the United States in the Winter Olympics. The outlook I have for school can be directly transcribed towards the view I have for figure skating. Whenever I take that first glide onto the smooth glassy ice surface I think to myself, "man I am so blessed to have physical ability and opportunity to pursue such a beautiful sport." The fact that I know how fortunate I am to be a figure skate is enough motivation and encouragement to push me to strive to be the very best I can. And hopefully someday my dream will come true.

word count: 518
vanessa000 4 / 9  
Aug 2, 2011   #2
as little as first grade---change first grade to "the first grade"
I would always be getting into trouble-change "would" to "was"
My world was suddenly was filled with a plethora-delete the first "was"
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Aug 19, 2011   #3
Every day---Every day should be written in two words, in most cases.--- I go to school and try to be a good boy.

My world was suddenly was filled with a plethora of teachers and friends who really cared for me and my steps towards higher education.

This was the catalyst that got me to perceive the opportunities presented to me in a different light.

I no longer viewed school as a waste of time, even though school can be such a bore at times, but rather as the opportunity to attend such an institution was a huge blessing, in which I am sincerely grateful for.

I now view school as a treasure trove of valuable opportunities, and not just for education.

I think it is safe to say I have fully immersed myself in as many of these opportunities as I could, from numerous clubs to multiple sports.

Ultimately, the attitude I had towards my world of school has had a definite influence on other aspects of my life, including my dreams and aspirations.

The fact that I know how fortunate I am to be a figure skater is enough motivation and ...

I like your essay, and what you said about figure skating.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)


Home / Undergraduate / "Everyday I go to school and try to be a good boy" - UC common app/personal statement