Common App Essay - Prompt 1 (Background) Please tell me if there are any mistakes
It all started when I was seven. I used to cry and moan almost every night before sleeping, it wasn't because I had a physical pain; but because I was praying for all generations of humans who disobeyed, disobey or will disobey God. I used to ask god with a voice full of reverence "Oh God, please forgive those who disobeyed you; please don't torture anyone in Hell, and torture me instead". I used to cry not only because I used to pray with a heartfelt sorrow, but also because I used to imagine Hell in front of me and hear its horrible screams. I didn't want to go to Hell but I was ready to sacrifice because I hated seeing others suffer, and I thought that the physical pain I'll feel in Hell would be a lot better than the emotional pain I'll feel while watching people tortured.
A year later, I knew more about God and religion; and I stopped asking God to torture me instead of anyone; because only God knows who should be tortured, and I don't; and of course I'm not better than God who is the most gracious and the most merciful. I also knew that in Heaven we'll feel no pain when we see others tortured, but instead we'll be glad that we aren't with them.
My curiosity to know about God, Religion, Hell and Heaven never affected my childhood; on the contrary, it made it seem a lot better. Religion taught me how to compromise between enjoying life and preparing for the judgment day, the fear of Hell and the love of Heaven made a lovable, loving and a sensitive person out of me, and finally I learned peace, forgiveness and respect from God's mercy on humans.
Being religious increased my level of maturity, which made whoever I met love me, but I also had my own strategies to make people love me. These strategies continued to work effectively until I became a high school student and moved to a new school, then they were not so effective.
High School for me was a place that is full of teenagers who are supposedly cool, like enjoying their lives and hate rules, this was how the television described it, and it wasn't so different in real life. When I first attended high school I started making new friends by using my love strategies; they worked with all the teachers, and they worked with students too, but later on I discovered that they didn't. Being religious was the problem, because a religious guy is not "cool", I hated how some of my classmates didn't like me; it caused a great emotional pain inside me. I tried to change this even by changing myself to be "cool", but it was futile, and I discovered that I was treated just like cigarettes; kissed when needed and crushed into the ground when finished. I felt very bad and I started hating school, as my emotional pain made me think that everyone hates me, and I forgot that there were others who loved me.
As a matter of fact the first two years of high school were the worst two years of my life, because I lost myself and I did things that I never wanted to do just to be "cool" and win everybody's love, and also my grades were affected as a result of my emotional problems . But I also learned a lot of useful things; as I knew the true meaning of friendship and that one true friend is worth more than a million fair-weather friends. I knew too that I can't win everyone's love because prophets who were absolutely perfect humans couldn't achieve that, and this taught me that I should never change for anyone and better be myself.
I feel like there's two messages in your essay, rather than a running theme. First, what I'm getting is your dedication to your religion. Then you talk about your high school experience and the things it taught you. Try to make an individual point more clear throughout the whole essay. Also, I know this isn't your intention, but your writing about religion comes off as a bit preachy. This could be a problem because the admissions officer reading your essay may not come from the same background and may disagree, whereas if you are more objective about it then it just shows that you're proud of your background and beliefs but not focused on promoting others to believe what you do.
Otherwise, its a great essay!
